Monthly Archives: January 2015

Open Doors: Who still goes to church?

open doors1Open Doors

A2’s day care is stuck to our community church, and now that they’ve locked the daycare side entrance door you have no choice but to go through the main entrance and walk past the open doors of the church. I feel guilty to just walk by it and not go in for a moment. I feel like I’ll be cursed if I just walked by. Especially that A1 is with me every day during that part of our daily routine. Maybe the side doors being locked are the local priest’s strategy to bring us closer to the church. Now that’s slick. I can say that I’m pretty lost in my spiritual identity but I know that being raised with religion gave me a certain peace of mind as a child. I was taught to pray and used it in time of need. Sure I might’ve prayed for the teacher not to check my homework or for that bully to leave me alone in the school bus, but I had something there, something to give me hope and keep my spirits high. I want my children to have at least that. Something to sooth them or ease their pain when they’re on their own. So every day we walk into church and take a moment. Every day we walk in and I take the time to be grateful and think about what I really want from myself. Honestly sometimes I just stand there soaking in the silence. Today I asked for… I didn’t know what to ask for… So many things on my mind…

I asked to want less.

I asked, please lord, help me want less.

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What should a woman really expect from a family man? Men please refrain from reading.

What should a woman really expect from a family man? Men please refrain from reading.
I am a mother of three and I’m barely holding on. How in the world did those moms manage to raise half a dozen kids back in the day? They raised those kids with practically no help from their husbands. How did they do it without losing their sanity? Or perhaps had they all gone insane and that somehow had become the norm? They did it all without relying on their husbands and yet there’s no way I can handle three on my own. Sure we’re the working generation, women work now. We live in a time where marital roles are shifting.

When the evening comes both parents are exhausted and this is where most arguments start. As per the tradition the woman is still expected to take care of the house work and most of us do. Some men step up to the plate and help out but why should it even be called helping out if the responsibility belongs to both. I’m not complaining, I’m just describing.

I was at a kid’s birthday party last week and a short conversation with the moms revealed that we’re mostly all going through the same thing. We take it all on our shoulders. The work, the kids, the house…all of it. My man helps me a lot, but all those details that need to be tended to are still handled by mom.

Is it gym day? What’s in the lunch box? What’s for supper? Are the vaccinations up to date? What about the dr’s appointments? What’s happening with the school project? Did you get a gift for the Saturday birthday? We have a wedding next month who’s watching the kids? Are the back packs ready? What’s for dinner? The list is endless…

I’ve finally realized that it’s not all the work that has brought me to exhaustion but that it’s this endless mind race that has brought me to this point, always something to think about, there’s always something to figure out. Between the kids and the home, it feels like it would take a full time administrative manager to figure it all out.

But what we truly have to keep in mind is that all this mayhem is temporary. Soon enough they will be a little more grown up and although we’ll be faced with a whole new set of teenage problems perhaps they will be less dependent of us and we might have more time to think about ourselves.IMG_6973

In the case of the mommy that needs daddy’s help, I would say it is good to get your man to help but make sure you don’t ruin a marriage over this issue. I’m going to go out and say it, as much as the man might help, we as women are the only ones who can really run this show. Make sure daddy takes care of mommy so that mommy can take care of the rest. Expect your man to take care of you. Only of you, set low expectations… it always turns out better that way.

Expect love from your man and nothing more. This will pay off in the long run, because when your children are grown up only you and this man will be left with this marriage. As much as we love them, men will never really understand what it is like to be a mother. And we will never understand what it’s like to be a husband to a crazed woman who expects so much from you.

Sometime last year I learned the secret to getting love from your man. A woman needs love, nothing more, we don’t really need the man to help us, we don’t really need him to know that gym clothes need to be washed by Wednesday and that back packs have to include blankets on Mondays. We just need them to hold us, kiss the back of our necks and tell us we’re beautiful in our pyjamas, with our tired eyes and messy hair.

I learned the secret to getting love last year and it has changed my life. Sure we we’re happily married but ever since I’ve applied this secret tensions and arguments have practically disappeared. This secret is hard to accept at first, especially if you’re a hardworking, money earning, home managing, all in control kind a mom…(just like me.)

The secret is respect.

The woman needs love and the man needs respect.

We need to pump up that balloon… give him the manly respect he deserves. Fake it if you got to, but just do it! A man doesn’t need love; he needs his wife to respect him. At first we women see that as condescending or degrading…why should I respect him?? We’re equals! He should respect me too! Sure, those were my initial thoughts…until I took this method to practice.

Stroke his ego; tell him what a great job he’s doing. Thank him for his help. Say sorry more often. Treat him with more respect and watch his love grow. It might feel out of character at first and you might get the “what’s up with you lately ?” comment. I sure did.

Caution! Do not tell him about your strategy, you will lose all credibility.

It’s ok if he can’t do as much as you do. You should only expect so much from yourself.

We can do most of it on our own, but that love part…we still need them for that.

Treat your man with more respect and expect love in return.

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