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Knock knock ! Who’s there ? Nobody knows.

Kids are going to be home any minute now and I’m thinking what a sad time it is to be a human being. A time when we know more than ever and yet that only seems to be revealing how much we do not know. From philosophy to religion it seems we keep going in circles, big circles indeed but still circles. I know I should focus on getting the laundry done right now but I can’t help to think about mankind and where we’re heading. We don’t know where we came from or where we are going. Why are we given this capacity to wonder if we can’t seem to understand the answer?

And when will humanity really understand the difference between knowing and believing ?

Knock knock ! It’s the door! They’re here! Jeez these kids knock like they’re trying to break down the door! It’s mommy time, I have to go!

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Just Grab Your Nuts

Just Grab Your Nuts

I use to not be such a fan of animals but my readings on consciousness have changed that about me. They’ve taught me to observe animals and to learn. Many meditation exercises include animals such as conscious butterfly watching.

Seriously when is the last time you watched a butterfly fly?

I watch a squirrel in our backyard and I wonder. Does the mama squirrel stress out over all the chores she has to do?  Does she worry that she won’t build the shelter in time or that she won’t store enough food for the winter?  I wonder, does she doubt herself or does she believe in herself?

Is an animal even able to imagine a worst case scenario?

Probably not.

A squirrel is surely capable of fear towards something real but unless it’s dreaming I would imagine it cannot scare itself by imagining worst case scenarios for herself and her fuzzy family. She doesn’t stress too much about it she just goes out there every day, rain or shine. She climbs the trees, stores de fruit, hides the nuts. She just does what she’s got to do to prepare for winter. Every day she trusts that the sun will go down and then come up again tomorrow.

Hmm I guess these books are right. Apparently I can learn from animals.

Now this mama squirrel has to go do mama squirrel things.

But still, I cannot help but wonder. Does that mama squirrel ever feel like she needs a crazy night out to party and unwind?

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Thank you ?

Sometimes I feel inspired for the love I have for writing. Grateful for the creativity and the opportunity to express.  At other times I think about what kind of twisted destiny puts me in a situation where I perhaps  finally find my  purpose but  cannot fulfill it because of  circumstances.

Like my current circumstances being that the A1, A2 and A3  are literally yelling at the top of their lungs right now.

I guess that’s what motherhood is really about.  Putting yourself aside for  your kids.

Or is it?

Ok they are literally on top….of me….right now.

Got to go.

Still stuck on the law of Dharma

And yes that’s a tube of Egg decorating glue.

 

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Stick it to me!

Stick it to me.

My problem is that I’m way too hard on myself. I keep falling into the same patterns. Setting up huge expectations from myself then killing myself over them.

For who?

For me ?

Hold on a sec. A2 just came over she has a question.

  • Are you working?
  • Cause if it’s not I want the computer.
  • When will you be finished?
  • Where’s the tree?
  • How did they take it out?
  • Hello?

Hold on I got to stop writing to answer her.

Ok I’m back.  I’m sitting outside blogging on the balcony. Nowadays my kids completely hog the laptop. If I seriously look at my keypad right now I can see an old piece of chocolate cake , some playdoh in the cracks and of course a sticker.

I can’t believe A2 just realized now that our tree is gone. It’s been gone for a month! Jack just came out he has a sticker on his shirt.

And now A3.  She came out to check if we were still wearing our stickers.  All clear!

Where was I ?

Oh ya huge expectations…

Jack’s giving me a look. I think he needs to be heard, got to go.

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Mom Guilt Are you guilty?

What is Mom Guilt? Mom guilt is that feeling that will never truly allow you to relax because every time you’re about to relax Mom Guilt starts up and you start wondering:

  • “Is there anything else I should be doing right now” …. And then you get up. Because of course there is.

I’m working on recognizing the Mom Guilt in me and addressing it.

Next time I find a moment for myself and  I feel mom guilt I want to recognize it, suppress my negative self-talk and I want to tell myself that I deserve this time to myself.momguilt

A2 calling me… got to go.

 

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Thoughtful Thursday : The Power of Creativity

Creativity is a very powerful thing. Everyone has it either out in the open or tucked in deep. Not everyone expresses it. I realized that the expression of creativity helps me keep calm and reduce anxiety, easier said than done.

But where and how would I even start?

Creativity can be a scary thing. I’m going to create something and then become vulnerable to judgment. Why would I want that? Then again I’m supposed to be seeking discomfort in order to insure self-growth…

So I guess the first thing I need to do is set aside insecurities in order to release creativity.

I think I will focus on this during my next mediation.

During meditation as I inhale and exhale I practice inhaling something I want and exhaling a thought that represents something I want to get rid of.

Some mornings I inhale energy, positivity and courage to face my day and exhale tiredness, negativity and fear.

During my next meditation I’m going to exhale insecurity and inhale creativity.

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So I made a dorky audition video

So I made a dorky audition video.

Of course my children love it. They watched it so many times they know it by heart.

I had two minutes to show that I was a foodie with a big personality that can make something like baklava achievable. Of course there are a million other things I wanted to say but ….I had two minutes.

Express Accordion Baklava recipe.

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Beethoven Getting Me Up

Beethoven Getting Me Up

How about writing to Beethoven. I have Beethoven’s Symphony 7 playing in my headphones as I write this blog post. I’m hoping he will inspire me some kind of genius…So far it’s complicated. Just let go I’m thinking to myself. Just let the words flow, let the thoughts flow. Trust your fingers to move quickly and grab every idea before they vanish away into thin air where they came from. I’m just starting to understand the struggles of an artist. They explode in creativity yet they have to leave desire aside in order to conform to society, succeed and earn a living. I’m a mother of three also trying to find balance between duty and desire.

Balance in general is really what I’m after. Just balance.

I can’t deny that there are times when I can’t help but be sad. The exhaustion gets to me and I start thinking of all the negative sides of my life. But then I suddenly realize that I’m being extremely ungrateful and I bring myself back. I believe being happy is having the capacity to realize that you are sad and have the capacity to bring yourself back to happiness If you choose to. I’ve realized that when I’m sad or down my whole family comes down with me. My children throw more tantrums, my husband suddenly starts complaining… I’m learning to recognize when I’m feeling low and am learning to cheer myself up. Might sound goofy but it’s quite a process. Imagine talking yourself from sad, exhausted and having a bad day to feeling extremely happy, energetic ready to face a day full of challenges just in a few minutes!

Especially if you are a mom, you need to talk yourself out of the low. Post-partum depression is a very real thing and I personally didn’t realize I was having it until I was pretty deep in. I realize I am responsible for my own happiness and energy levels. I want to be happy so I will be happy.

“It’s easy for you to be happy, you have everything” someone once told me. But I can truly say that being happy in the first place is what led me to all the wonderful things in my life. When you are emitting positive energies things just seem to work out. I’m not sure about destiny but I believe there’s a possibility in any direction you go. One just needs to decide in which direction they are going.

Personally I choose up.

 

bethoven

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Julie’s Kitchen Diaries

I never thought I’d be thinking about add prices and product placement deals for my videos. I just did them for fun.

I guess this is what happens you just follow your heart.

http://www.julieskitchendiaries.com/

Julie’s Kitchen Diaries

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Overwhelmed Mama

Monday July 25,2016

There was a time in my life when I thought I knew a lot. Then I discovered how wrong I was.

It’s a mid-summer Monday afternoon and I’ve put all A’s down for naps. Well, I use to put them down for naps, now I order them to go to bed, they don’t listen, I yell a bit, then I use my low finger pointing scary voice while holding my jaw shut very tight so I sound really angry… I have to scare them a little.

And I tell them “If I come back and I see one head lifted from the pillow I’m really going to get mad!”. And leave and go downstairs. At this point I know I have 14 minutes tops before they start sneaking out of bed. What’s the first thing I should do?! Laudry YES! A1 just came back from 5 day scout camp, there is a hockey bag in my living room, filled with dirty, I mean real dirty stuff. Or maybe write a post on my blog ?

As you can see I went for the post. And actually 14 minutes have long passed and I’m cutting mr.Freeze bags for A2 and A3 in the living room…

And A3 is ordering a “Bay-Daid” for her pretend bobo.

I keep thinking I have to end this post but they always seem to always calm back down. Now A2 is teaching A3 a song. At this point I have cookies and mr.freeze on the living room couches and I’m just trying not to lose my cool.

IMG_1003 I’m trying to stay calm to actually enjoy the their stillness. Sure they’re making a mess but at least they are quiet. If I start talking loud and waving my hands around they’re gona get nervous and I’m going to have to deal with cries and tantrums. Sometimes I feel the more invisible I am the calmer they are. Grand-parents and teachers speak of their great behavior yet with me… they are a whole other thing. I’m thinking I must be the problem.

Today I’m learning to focus on the moment. I learned that I need to take care of myself first in order to truly understand how to best serve my family. How can I become a better mother, a better lover, a better friend? It’s all in the same way, by Becoming a better person. How to become a better person?

Start by calming down.

Breathe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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As I’ve said before I don’t need anyone to validate me.

I’m a mother of three and if there’s anything that I want to teach my girls, it’s not to wait to be validated by anyone. I want them to validate themselves. To find out for themselves who and what they are. As I’ve learned to do. For example, I want them to decide for themselves if they are smart or not, and not let the rest of the world decide.

If you do not think that you are smart, then perhaps you are the smartest of them all. And you if you think that you are, that’s great, because that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

A young woman should be able to say “I am smart” Or even “I am beautiful”.

We’ve created a society in which it has become taboo for one to speak richly of oneself.  You are considered conceded and full of yourself if you’re heard.  Well I don’t think so! I think we should encourage people to believe in themselves. I believe in the power of self-confidence.

I’m on fire !

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Love Talk

photo (2)

I’m sitting here wondering.

Can anyone choose to fall in Love?

I mean can someone actually decide to fall in Love? Or does it just happen.

Let’s look at this backwards for a second.

Can anyone decide to not fall in Love?

You know, like when your body’s saying yes but your mind is telling you no. You decide and you stop. It’s called will . You have free will and you should use it.

Imagine a young woman who realizes she’s made a mistake by marrying her husband.

I’m wondering:  Can’t she just choose to fall in Love?

Imagine a young princess promised to a prince.

Does she choose to fall in Love? She better.

What about Adam and Eve?

Thank God  Adam was her  type…

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It’s past midnight. Happy Mother’s Day to me.

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Thank you!

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My Saturday night

Now he just told me it’s not Saturday night.
Ok so let’s start this again.

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Julie’s Kitchen Diaries

Finally released. Julie’s Kitchen Diaries Episode 1 features special guest Ara Ekmekdjian aka Chef Zona.

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Open Doors: Who still goes to church?

open doors1Open Doors

A2’s day care is stuck to our community church, and now that they’ve locked the daycare side entrance door you have no choice but to go through the main entrance and walk past the open doors of the church. I feel guilty to just walk by it and not go in for a moment. I feel like I’ll be cursed if I just walked by. Especially that A1 is with me every day during that part of our daily routine. Maybe the side doors being locked are the local priest’s strategy to bring us closer to the church. Now that’s slick. I can say that I’m pretty lost in my spiritual identity but I know that being raised with religion gave me a certain peace of mind as a child. I was taught to pray and used it in time of need. Sure I might’ve prayed for the teacher not to check my homework or for that bully to leave me alone in the school bus, but I had something there, something to give me hope and keep my spirits high. I want my children to have at least that. Something to sooth them or ease their pain when they’re on their own. So every day we walk into church and take a moment. Every day we walk in and I take the time to be grateful and think about what I really want from myself. Honestly sometimes I just stand there soaking in the silence. Today I asked for… I didn’t know what to ask for… So many things on my mind…

I asked to want less.

I asked, please lord, help me want less.

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What should a woman really expect from a family man? Men please refrain from reading.

What should a woman really expect from a family man? Men please refrain from reading.
I am a mother of three and I’m barely holding on. How in the world did those moms manage to raise half a dozen kids back in the day? They raised those kids with practically no help from their husbands. How did they do it without losing their sanity? Or perhaps had they all gone insane and that somehow had become the norm? They did it all without relying on their husbands and yet there’s no way I can handle three on my own. Sure we’re the working generation, women work now. We live in a time where marital roles are shifting.

When the evening comes both parents are exhausted and this is where most arguments start. As per the tradition the woman is still expected to take care of the house work and most of us do. Some men step up to the plate and help out but why should it even be called helping out if the responsibility belongs to both. I’m not complaining, I’m just describing.

I was at a kid’s birthday party last week and a short conversation with the moms revealed that we’re mostly all going through the same thing. We take it all on our shoulders. The work, the kids, the house…all of it. My man helps me a lot, but all those details that need to be tended to are still handled by mom.

Is it gym day? What’s in the lunch box? What’s for supper? Are the vaccinations up to date? What about the dr’s appointments? What’s happening with the school project? Did you get a gift for the Saturday birthday? We have a wedding next month who’s watching the kids? Are the back packs ready? What’s for dinner? The list is endless…

I’ve finally realized that it’s not all the work that has brought me to exhaustion but that it’s this endless mind race that has brought me to this point, always something to think about, there’s always something to figure out. Between the kids and the home, it feels like it would take a full time administrative manager to figure it all out.

But what we truly have to keep in mind is that all this mayhem is temporary. Soon enough they will be a little more grown up and although we’ll be faced with a whole new set of teenage problems perhaps they will be less dependent of us and we might have more time to think about ourselves.IMG_6973

In the case of the mommy that needs daddy’s help, I would say it is good to get your man to help but make sure you don’t ruin a marriage over this issue. I’m going to go out and say it, as much as the man might help, we as women are the only ones who can really run this show. Make sure daddy takes care of mommy so that mommy can take care of the rest. Expect your man to take care of you. Only of you, set low expectations… it always turns out better that way.

Expect love from your man and nothing more. This will pay off in the long run, because when your children are grown up only you and this man will be left with this marriage. As much as we love them, men will never really understand what it is like to be a mother. And we will never understand what it’s like to be a husband to a crazed woman who expects so much from you.

Sometime last year I learned the secret to getting love from your man. A woman needs love, nothing more, we don’t really need the man to help us, we don’t really need him to know that gym clothes need to be washed by Wednesday and that back packs have to include blankets on Mondays. We just need them to hold us, kiss the back of our necks and tell us we’re beautiful in our pyjamas, with our tired eyes and messy hair.

I learned the secret to getting love last year and it has changed my life. Sure we we’re happily married but ever since I’ve applied this secret tensions and arguments have practically disappeared. This secret is hard to accept at first, especially if you’re a hardworking, money earning, home managing, all in control kind a mom…(just like me.)

The secret is respect.

The woman needs love and the man needs respect.

We need to pump up that balloon… give him the manly respect he deserves. Fake it if you got to, but just do it! A man doesn’t need love; he needs his wife to respect him. At first we women see that as condescending or degrading…why should I respect him?? We’re equals! He should respect me too! Sure, those were my initial thoughts…until I took this method to practice.

Stroke his ego; tell him what a great job he’s doing. Thank him for his help. Say sorry more often. Treat him with more respect and watch his love grow. It might feel out of character at first and you might get the “what’s up with you lately ?” comment. I sure did.

Caution! Do not tell him about your strategy, you will lose all credibility.

It’s ok if he can’t do as much as you do. You should only expect so much from yourself.

We can do most of it on our own, but that love part…we still need them for that.

Treat your man with more respect and expect love in return.

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