Category Archives: Humor

Zombie Mom

mombie5:59 am this morning our three kids barged into our bedroom fully disguised and yelled HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Thanks for that morning jolt kids!  Jack woke up in a panic. I was in shock too. I was trying to understand how they were suddenly able to manage to dress themselves and get ready all by themselves when the rest of the school mornings they roll in their beds while I try to dress them.

Yup it’s Halloween aka mommy overtime. I apologize for my lack of enthusiasm, some days I am a Marry Poppins kind of mom but today doesn’t feel like one of those days. Today it’s just Zombie mom.

A working, cleaning, cooking, planning exhausted zombie mom.

I know I should make more time for myself. I’m trying but part of the problem is that we’ve been taught to play only after the work is done and the thing with motherhood is that the work is never done.

Never ever ever.

Never.

Oh how I had imagined parenthood in my dreams. I had only imagined the breezy and happy moments. I would imagine a happy family sitting at a dinner table. I used to imagine my future children so proper and well mannered. I thought of course they will sit still at dinner time, try to eat by themselves and engage into peaceful social interaction among themselves while we adults get a chance to catch up.

All I got to say to my young self is…

Ba-ha-ha! Ridiculous!

I guess the first stage of parenting is realizing how different it really is from what you could have ever imagined. The rest well I can’t really say. I’m still figuring it out for myself and truthfully it seems like the more the years pass the less I feel  I have it figured out.

Ok enough sulking let’s go hustle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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October 31, 2018 · 9:54 am

Just Grab Your Nuts

Just Grab Your Nuts

I use to not be such a fan of animals but my readings on consciousness have changed that about me. They’ve taught me to observe animals and to learn. Many meditation exercises include animals such as conscious butterfly watching.

Seriously when is the last time you watched a butterfly fly?

I watch a squirrel in our backyard and I wonder. Does the mama squirrel stress out over all the chores she has to do?  Does she worry that she won’t build the shelter in time or that she won’t store enough food for the winter?  I wonder, does she doubt herself or does she believe in herself?

Is an animal even able to imagine a worst case scenario?

Probably not.

A squirrel is surely capable of fear towards something real but unless it’s dreaming I would imagine it cannot scare itself by imagining worst case scenarios for herself and her fuzzy family. She doesn’t stress too much about it she just goes out there every day, rain or shine. She climbs the trees, stores de fruit, hides the nuts. She just does what she’s got to do to prepare for winter. Every day she trusts that the sun will go down and then come up again tomorrow.

Hmm I guess these books are right. Apparently I can learn from animals.

Now this mama squirrel has to go do mama squirrel things.

But still, I cannot help but wonder. Does that mama squirrel ever feel like she needs a crazy night out to party and unwind?

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Filed under Funny kids, happy parenting, Humor, life, Motherhood, Parenting, positive thinking, Success, Uncategorized, Yoga

To work or to watch the soccer game? That is the question.

Today in downtown Montreal, people everywhere have left their desks to find a television in order to see the soccer game. And those who are at their desks are probably watching it online. We’re talking about all the men of course…
This is a picture taken at the Ville Marie food court during this afternoon.
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A Sticker.

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They say a picture is worth a thousand words. This picture represents my life perfectly. Three daughters who have taken over everything including the toilet, literally.
Even when we are using the toilet we’re sitting on a dozen of princess stickers. We try and scratch a few off while we’re there but there stuck on pretty hard. Lately we’re potty training A2 and I must say we’re doing pretty bad, making all the classic mistakes, confusing her with pull ups, yelling at her when she has accidents, switching back and forth from underwear to diapers according to where we’re going… We’re failing at this, but at least we’re aware of it….
So I was over at a friend’s house and I noticed they had put up a paper on the bathroom wall where they would stick a sticker every time their child used the potty, it’s a good idea I thought and started implementing the same method at home. Until A2 figured out the concept and would ask to sit on the toilet, do nothing, stick a sticker then go pee behind the couch.
You would think they would learn from seeing us go, I mean if you’ve managed to hold on to some privacy in your marriage then I congratulate you, but know that kids will take all of that away. Privacy? Ha! Forget it!
They watch me change, but the worst is the look on their faces if they happen to see me naked. Oh! And then the questions…
” why do you put hats on your breast?”
I try to avoid changing in front of them but sometimes it’s just inevitable. You have to keep an eye on them all the time, so if you see them, it probably means then can see you back.
There’s absolutely no privacy left in the bathroom, actually quite the opposite, when I have to go I place the high chair right in front of the bathroom door place the baby there and announce ” mommy’ going to the bathroom, I’m right there, nobody panic!”
The only time I make sure to close the door is when I have my period. I really don’t want to have to explain that yet!One day A1 walked over to my room holding a hygienic pad in her hand, she had opened it and said ” I know you stick this on your butt, tell me why.” She knew it was something I was keeping from her, I don’t even know how she figured out that I stuck it anywhere near my butt.
” I’ll tell you when you grow up” I said.
-” no tell me now”
So I lied. ” sometimes when mommies have babies water comes out of their tummies and they wear that so that their underwear doesn’t get wet”
What was I supposed to do?? Tell her the truth?? Ovulation, blood, reproduction??? She’s five and believes in Santa and the tooth fairy!
By the way, tooth fairy’s real. I’ve seen her.
So after my explanation she replied.
-” was that so hard? Did I really have to wait to grow up to hear that?”
I don’t even know what to think at this point, my daughter is five going on fifteen!
Today as I was in the bathroom, two year old A2 walked in, she looked at me and said ” You did pipi in the toilet? Good for you. You want a sticker?”
She then walked over to the drawer. There are no stickers in the drawer I thought, what is she doing? She pulled out a pad, confidently opened it and stuck it on the wall.
All I could think to say was ” thank you”.

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Filed under Funny kids, Humor, life, Motherhood, positive thinking

Construction week Vacation

We’re on vacation. Finally found a way to access the Internet . Technologically challenged remember..
I do have many many stories to tell, a lot can happen crammed into a van with three kids, heading to a wedding in New Jersey . The wedding? Oh ya it was great, the two out of three had a fever , my dress ripped down the middle and someone asked me when I was due!
All this said, I promised myself I wasn’t gona blog while I was on vacation. It’s good to disconnect once in a while. Will be back shortly.
Wishing all of you a great construction week .
Xoxo

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A2 drank from the toilet. Cheers!

Kids are finally asleep. Jack’s watching the games… Seems like all my posts starts the same way.

So A2 drank toilet water today. We were at my inlaw’s house, when Jack caught her standing in front of the toilet bowl, sucking on a wet hand towel whose other end was still in the toilet. Yey!

He called for me. By the time I got there everyone was gathered in the bathroom. I asked A1 “You went to the bathroom last,please tell me you didn’t forget to flush!”. There was water everywhere and she was soaked. We started to clean up when we realized she had gotten away again. “There’s another bathroom on this floor!” Jack yelled out. We ran to the bedroom bathroom and found her there plotting her next drink.

I wish I was the one who caught her doing that. I would’ve probably left her and ran for my camera.

Oh ya, and no, A1 hadn’t forgotten to flush!  Good girl.

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no structure…and looks like it will keep getting worse.

It’s after school but before supper. A1 and A2 are playing in the backyard while A3’s sleeping inside. I’m sitting on the porch. I’m just letting this sink in. They’re playing outside on their own. There not crying for me, they don’t need anything from me… just on their own.

Already?

It’s feels weird, bitter sweet in a way? I guess I’m going to be like those mothers who feel like their kids grew up too fast and then hold on to their youngest and never let them grow up.

Nah!

Sometimes I think ahead and wonder what kind of journey lies ahead with 3 teenage girls….

I watch Roseanne sometimes and get worried. “We’re quit alike” I think.

Don’t think too far ahead, take it one day at a time. Better yet, don’t only take it one day at a time, enjoy each day, feel each moment and be grateful for what is today. It could all be gone tomorrow.

Easier said than done and even easier read than done.

Sometimes I have to actively stop all my thoughts to ask myself “Am I in the moment?”. I’m usually not. But I would like to be. I’m trying.

Now A2 and A3 are fighting over a toy. Should I interfere? Or let them sort it out on their own. I usually let them deal with each other, I’m not even sure if it’s the right thing to do. I feel like today’s adults are much more involved in the children’s lives. I remember playing in the basement or outside a lot, without my parents hearing all the nonsense I said.

Not sure if it’s a bad or good thing.

I’m going to suddenly change the topic now.

There have been many posts that I’ve deleted, sometimes I felt they went nowhere and other times I felt they were too chaotic and no one in their right mind would be able to follow.

Well, from now on, I’m going to post all of my drafts.

Today a good friend of mine gathered her courage and told me “Your posts need structure, I start reading and give up mid-way because I can’t even follow”

Oh my I gotta go, A2 went inside, she might attack A3, and she has chalk on her face. Not sure if she ate some.

To be continued…

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Pump it up

A good friend messaged me on Facebook last night:

“No blog posted tonight…but you’re online so u must be typing…well I hope lol “

I wasn’t… if you only knew what I was doing.

I was online but couldn’t type because I had one hand busy.  I want to tell you what I was doing but I’m not sure if it’s crossing the line. It happens many times to me on Facebook to write up a status then decide to delete it before posting because I realize that I’m just speaking my mind and being shameless.

Now you’re trying to figure out what I was doing with one hand so let me tell you before you start getting ideas.

Ok. Here goes. I was on the electric breast pump.

So we’re going talk about breasts now… dear readers we have moved one step closer into our relationship…I hope you know this.

Ahhhh. Now that this topic is open, the possibilities are endless! Jack’s going to be so mad at me… he’s the one that reminds me not to make a fool out of myself. In respect to both Jack and I, we’re only going to treat this topic if it’s in the realm of breastfeeding or other children related topics.

So, yeahpump, I was holding the breast pump with one hand and surfing the net with the other. They talk about the breast pump as if it’s something normal. I’m here to tell you that’s it’s the worst thing ever! From the physical trauma to the simple idea of it, it’s pure torture. Plus they make the cup part transparent so you can see what’s actually happening to your sensitive extremities… (I don’t want to say the N word, so we can stay rated G). I assure you, that does not happen in a babies’ mouth while nursing!

A3 is only 3 months old and my milk supply has faded. I breastfed A1 and A2 for 6 months each. The milk supply ending is a direct result of my lack of sleep, my poor diet and overall exhaustion. Basically A3 is getting the short end of the stick because of her sisters and it seems like it’s going to be like that for her for a very long time. I mean poor thing has onesies with embedded poop stains on them. Not her poop… not A2’s poop, but A1’s poop from five years ago.

YOU SEE HOW I HAVE NO SHAME.

So I am trying to revive the milk flow by spending my evenings on the breast pump, by over eating and by drinking meal supplement protein shakes (on top of my meals).  Willing to gain weight for this baby…now this is love.

Dear male readers I hope you’re not traumatised by this post…

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