Pump it up

A good friend messaged me on Facebook last night:

“No blog posted tonight…but you’re online so u must be typing…well I hope lol “

I wasn’t… if you only knew what I was doing.

I was online but couldn’t type because I had one hand busy.  I want to tell you what I was doing but I’m not sure if it’s crossing the line. It happens many times to me on Facebook to write up a status then decide to delete it before posting because I realize that I’m just speaking my mind and being shameless.

Now you’re trying to figure out what I was doing with one hand so let me tell you before you start getting ideas.

Ok. Here goes. I was on the electric breast pump.

So we’re going talk about breasts now… dear readers we have moved one step closer into our relationship…I hope you know this.

Ahhhh. Now that this topic is open, the possibilities are endless! Jack’s going to be so mad at me… he’s the one that reminds me not to make a fool out of myself. In respect to both Jack and I, we’re only going to treat this topic if it’s in the realm of breastfeeding or other children related topics.

So, yeahpump, I was holding the breast pump with one hand and surfing the net with the other. They talk about the breast pump as if it’s something normal. I’m here to tell you that’s it’s the worst thing ever! From the physical trauma to the simple idea of it, it’s pure torture. Plus they make the cup part transparent so you can see what’s actually happening to your sensitive extremities… (I don’t want to say the N word, so we can stay rated G). I assure you, that does not happen in a babies’ mouth while nursing!

A3 is only 3 months old and my milk supply has faded. I breastfed A1 and A2 for 6 months each. The milk supply ending is a direct result of my lack of sleep, my poor diet and overall exhaustion. Basically A3 is getting the short end of the stick because of her sisters and it seems like it’s going to be like that for her for a very long time. I mean poor thing has onesies with embedded poop stains on them. Not her poop… not A2’s poop, but A1’s poop from five years ago.


So I am trying to revive the milk flow by spending my evenings on the breast pump, by over eating and by drinking meal supplement protein shakes (on top of my meals).  Willing to gain weight for this baby…now this is love.

Dear male readers I hope you’re not traumatised by this post…


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Filed under Humor, Uncategorized

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