Monthly Archives: October 2018

Aside

Zombie Mom

mombie5:59 am this morning our three kids barged into our bedroom fully disguised and yelled HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Thanks for that morning jolt kids!  Jack woke up in a panic. I was in shock too. I was trying to understand how they were suddenly able to manage to dress themselves and get ready all by themselves when the rest of the school mornings they roll in their beds while I try to dress them.

Yup it’s Halloween aka mommy overtime. I apologize for my lack of enthusiasm, some days I am a Marry Poppins kind of mom but today doesn’t feel like one of those days. Today it’s just Zombie mom.

A working, cleaning, cooking, planning exhausted zombie mom.

I know I should make more time for myself. I’m trying but part of the problem is that we’ve been taught to play only after the work is done and the thing with motherhood is that the work is never done.

Never ever ever.

Never.

Oh how I had imagined parenthood in my dreams. I had only imagined the breezy and happy moments. I would imagine a happy family sitting at a dinner table. I used to imagine my future children so proper and well mannered. I thought of course they will sit still at dinner time, try to eat by themselves and engage into peaceful social interaction among themselves while we adults get a chance to catch up.

All I got to say to my young self is…

Ba-ha-ha! Ridiculous!

I guess the first stage of parenting is realizing how different it really is from what you could have ever imagined. The rest well I can’t really say. I’m still figuring it out for myself and truthfully it seems like the more the years pass the less I feel  I have it figured out.

Ok enough sulking let’s go hustle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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October 31, 2018 · 9:54 am
October 22, 2018 · 12:37 pm

If a dream is robbing you from appreciating what you have in the moment then an adjustment is necessary.

So does becoming a mommy mean giving up your passions? Sure everyone’s talking about chasing your dreams and never giving up but let’s talk real for a moment. When you become parents you have obligations towards your kids and I’m just talking about the basics. Providing for them, making sure they are fed and dressed that alone considering the number of kids can in itself be more than enough to keep someone busy for all of their time. So when is it that I actually do something for me? In ten years when they grow up and I grow older? Sure I want to lead by example for my girls, be a mom who does it all, but quite frankly I don’t even see how all that is even possible.

So right now I’m focusing on not being so hard on myself. If you have a dream but thinking about that dream gives you knots in your stomach because you don’t see how it can become reality then think about the impact that dream is having on your daily life.  A dream is supposed to make you feel free and fill you with hope. If a dream is robbing you from appreciating what you have in the moment then an adjustment is necessary.

So from hence forward I’m allowing myself to put some of my dreams or goals on the back burner for a while. I’ll check in with them later and see if they still are as desirable. I’m also allowing myself to change my mind. Most times we want different things in different stages in our lives but we hold ourselves tied to old objectives because we don’t want to quit or move on before accomplishing them in fear of having to call it a failure. This post goes against all the typical you can do it, don’t quit chasing your dreams content found out there but I’m just trying to be real. I’m just saying if thinking about that dream fills you with anxiety and does not make you happy then what’s the point?

Happy is here and now not when I will do this or that.

I can’t say that I will forget about my dreams, I don’t think I can but I can say that I am definitely going to free myself from the burden I have created for myself.

I already feel much better.

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October 9, 2018 · 5:06 pm

Knock knock ! Who’s there ? Nobody knows.

Kids are going to be home any minute now and instead of getting some work done I’m stuck in a pensive mood thinking what a sad time it is to be a human being. A time when we know more than ever and yet that only seems to be revealing how much we do not know. From philosophy to religion it seems we keep going in circles, big circles indeed but still circles. I know I should focus on getting the laundry done right now but I can’t help to think about mankind and where we’re heading. We don’t know where we came from or where we are going. Why are we given this capacity to wonder if we can’t seem to understand the answer?

And when will humanity really understand the difference between knowing and believing ?

Knock knock ! It’s the door! They’re here! Jeez these kids knock like they’re trying to break down the door! It’s mommy time, I have to go!

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October 5, 2018 · 2:54 pm

Just Grab Your Nuts

Just Grab Your Nuts

I use to not be such a fan of animals but my readings on consciousness have changed that about me. They’ve taught me to observe animals and to learn. Many meditation exercises include animals such as conscious butterfly watching.

Seriously when is the last time you watched a butterfly fly?

I watch a squirrel in our backyard and I wonder. Does the mama squirrel stress out over all the chores she has to do?  Does she worry that she won’t build the shelter in time or that she won’t store enough food for the winter?  I wonder, does she doubt herself or does she believe in herself?

Is an animal even able to imagine a worst case scenario?

Probably not.

A squirrel is surely capable of fear towards something real but unless it’s dreaming I would imagine it cannot scare itself by imagining worst case scenarios for herself and her fuzzy family. She doesn’t stress too much about it she just goes out there every day, rain or shine. She climbs the trees, stores de fruit, hides the nuts. She just does what she’s got to do to prepare for winter. Every day she trusts that the sun will go down and then come up again tomorrow.

Hmm I guess these books are right. Apparently I can learn from animals.

Now this mama squirrel has to go do mama squirrel things.

But still, I cannot help but wonder. Does that mama squirrel ever feel like she needs a crazy night out to party and unwind?

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