Reactive or Proactive?

Why are articles on parenting so boring?  Why doesn’t anyone get to the point?  A2 has thrown a couple of  tantrums, the nasty kinds, down on the floor. Don’t judge me. A1 has always been such a civilized child I never thought I could have this little monster on my hands.

So I was reading an article on this in a parenting magazine. We do all of our reading in the bathroom, we have to maximize our efficiency if you know what I mean (if you’re going to be in the bathroom might as well learn something in the meantime). I read pages about children throwing tantrums, so much information… development phases, statistics, probable causes…Get to the point! What should I do if my child is on the floor, on her back, kicking her legs and banging her head?

Experts have a list of adequate interventions depending on the reason of your child’s outburst.

  • Related to lack of control (reactive)
  • Related to lack of means of expression (proactive)

So if you find yourself in this situation, say, in the middle of a grocery store, you should ask yourself : Reactive or Proactive?

Sounds so realistic, doesn’t it ?

And then out come the lists.

If it’s the reactive type, experts will  tell you :

  • Reassure your child
  • Give more specific directives
  • Situate them in time and space
  • Do not just tell them what’s forbidden, but what is permitted as well

Ok! so… (guessing it’s the reactive type) according to this list, this is what we should say:

“Honey, I love you, you’re safe, please stop jiggling on the floor, gently get up, be quiet, hold my hand, we are in the super market, it’s the after noon, it is not allowed for you to throw yourself on the floor but it is allowed to walk by mommy’s side”

Ya…I don’t think so…thank you Mr. and Mrs. experts. Thank you for nothing.

Sometimes I feel like those articles and even some books about parenting are written just to be written. As if it was one expert talking to another.

Hello! We’re here!

I could be considered  as one of those experts (well on paper anyways), I’ve read about all this stuff,  it definitely  doesn’t mean I know exactly what to do in every scenario. I don’t appreciate  fancy phrases and lists to dictate what a parent should do in a specific case as if it’s something  so obvious.

I have studied this stuff and have 3 kids of my own and this article doesn’t help me out one bit, how is it suppose to help anyone else?  I wonder if any of these experts have truly been in that situation or any of the situations they talk about for that matter.

Now I’m all worked up.

I’ll tell you, if you find yourself in that situation, first of all don’t think about what other people are thinking. Don’t be embarrassed, they don’t matter. Focus on yourself and your child, do what you would’ve done if you were home. I personally just stand still next to my child with my back turned to her.Ignoring her, while  staying close to ensure her safety. I give her time to get it out of her system, after about 10 to 20 seconds I gently tend to her. I hold my arms open for her (like asking for a hug), I repeat “it’s ok” I carry her and kiss her and tell her that it’s ok again.

I’m hardly ever angry at them, I’m mostly trying not to laugh in front of them when they’re doing something wrong.

Might be wrong, might be right but it works for me.

Never worry about what people are thinking. Focus on what’s important.

With that said, we went to the mall this past weekend. A2 had a baby leash and it was a great experience.

“It’s a child! Not a dog!”

Exactly, same way I wouldn’t want to lose my dog…I don’t want to lose my child!



1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

One response to “Reactive or Proactive?

  1. Lara

    DITTO ON ALL!!!!! 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s