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Science has proven that no two brains are alike.  Our brains have the same level of uniqueness as our fingertips.  To assume people think like you is a mistake and to think that your thinking is better than another way is also wrong. Each person has a different perception of the same reality. How can we expect communication and community to be easy when our minds are so different from one another?  We all have a responsibility of growth and betterment. Sometimes we have to step back and revise if something we thought we had understood was perhaps misunderstood or if we should unlearn some of the things we have already learned.

Every single person is entirely engaged in their own lives. Whatever journey you decide to embark on make sure it is for yourself. No one will care when you succeed. People will take a moment to celebrate with you or congratulate you in a comment or text but essentially they will resume and go back to their own lives. Same goes for your failure. If you fail people might try to comfort you for a short while and some might even feel a glimpse of pleasure watching you fall but it will all be momentary and everyone will quickly go back to their own lives.  It is not because of a malignant nature that people lack interest in our achievements or shortcomings; it is simply human nature to be caught up in our own lives. Whatever you decide to do just make sure you are doing it for yourself.  Nobody cares if you succeed and nobody cares if you fail so unburden yourself.

Don’t Let The Happy Stress Get You

We can also have happy stress. Overwhelmed while packing for a trip or planning a celebration. Although they are for happy moments we can get carried away with stress. Stress is stress. We are still tiring our body and mind with anxiety. We should try to catch ourselves when we are experiencing happy stress and step back when we do.

Breathe, relax and enjoy the moment.

We’re kind of like little ants. Set on a path with a mission. We’re really good at it too. We are smart. strong and we always stick together.

Wait a minute. We don’t ! Actually we humans should be glad to be more like little ants. Ants probably don’t understand that they are on a planet in the Universe as we don’t understand what is beyond our Universe.

The difference is, the ants won’t stop their work to start arguing over hypothetical situations and especially not kill each other over them.

Maybe the ants know something we don’t ?

I wish I could sit here and reflect all day but duty calls.

Sometimes I really tend to overthink things. I expect myself to have figured out every element of a process that I want to overtake before I start it.  Unless I know specifically what the upcoming challenges are and exactly how to overcome them I arm filled in fear and most times even give up on the task or objective at hand.

I am telling myself is that I should chill out a bit.

I was never like this when it came to my schoolwork and I am certainly not giving up on any difficult tasks at work. So why is it that when it comes to my personal objectives I really seem to be throwing in the towel pretty quickly?

Hold on I’ve got to go pull the basement door shut.  Jack’s downstairs watching the finale of Oz with his buddies and it’s sounding pretty intense from up here. I hear the yelling of a man that sounds like he’s getting badly tortured. It’s getting louder and louder, I hope the kids don’t get woken. Oh sounds like the torture just intensified a notch, I’m afraid the kids are going to think it is Jack that is yelling!

Ok door is shut now.

Where was I. Oh yes so basically I was in the middle of realizing that I don’t discipline myself when it comes  to succeeding  in my own personal goals but when it comes to work or when it’s for somebody else I give it my all.

Why do I do that?

Am I overthinking again? Probably.

Or maybe this is the moment I realize I should live more for myself…

So does becoming a mommy mean giving up your passions? Sure everyone’s talking about chasing your dreams and never giving up but let’s talk real for a moment. When you become parents you have obligations towards your kids and I’m just talking about the basics. Providing for them, making sure they are fed and dressed that alone considering the number of kids can in itself be more than enough to keep someone busy for all of their time. So when is it that I actually do something for me? In ten years when they grow up and I grow older? Sure I want to lead by example for my girls, be a mom who does it all, but quite frankly I don’t even see how all that is even possible.

So right now I’m focusing on not being so hard on myself. If you have a dream but thinking about that dream gives you knots in your stomach because you don’t see how it can become reality then think about the impact that dream is having on your daily life.  A dream is supposed to make you feel free and fill you with hope. If a dream is robbing you from appreciating what you have in the moment then an adjustment is necessary.

So from hence forward I’m allowing myself to put some of my dreams or goals on the back burner for a while. I’ll check in with them later and see if they still are as desirable. I’m also allowing myself to change my mind. Most times we want different things in different stages in our lives but we hold ourselves tied to old objectives because we don’t want to quit or move on before accomplishing them in fear of having to call it a failure. This post goes against all the typical you can do it, don’t quit chasing your dreams content found out there but I’m just trying to be real. I’m just saying if thinking about that dream fills you with anxiety and does not make you happy then what’s the point?

Happy is here and now not when I will do this or that.

I can’t say that I will forget about my dreams, I don’t think I can but I can say that I am definitely going to free myself from the burden I have created for myself.

I already feel much better.

Sometimes I feel inspired for the love I have for writing. Grateful for the creativity and the opportunity to express.  At other times I think about what kind of twisted destiny puts me in a situation where I perhaps  finally find my  purpose but  cannot fulfill it because of  circumstances.

Like my current circumstances being that the A1, A2 and A3  are literally yelling at the top of their lungs right now.

I guess that’s what motherhood is really about.  Putting yourself aside for  your kids.

Or is it?

Ok they are literally on top….of me….right now.

Got to go.

And yes that’s a tube of Egg decorating glue.

Stick it to me.

My problem is that I’m way too hard on myself. I keep falling into the same patterns. Setting up huge expectations from myself then killing myself over them.

For who?

For me ?

Hold on a sec. A2 just came over she has a question.

• Are you working?
• Cause if it’s not I want the computer.
• When will you be finished?
• Where’s the tree?
• How did they take it out?
• Hello?

Hold on I got to stop writing to answer her.

Ok I’m back.  I’m sitting outside blogging on the balcony. Nowadays my kids completely hog the laptop. If I seriously look at my keypad right now I can see an old piece of chocolate cake , some playdoh in the cracks and of course a sticker.

I can’t believe A2 just realized now that our tree is gone. It’s been gone for a month! Jack just came out he has a sticker on his shirt.

And now A3.  She came out to check if we were still wearing our stickers.  All clear!

Where was I ?

Oh ya huge expectations…

Jack’s giving me a look. I think he needs to be heard, got to go.

What is Mom Guilt? Mom guilt is that feeling that will never truly allow you to relax because every time you’re about to relax Mom Guilt starts up and you start wondering:

• “Is there anything else I should be doing right now” …. And then you get up. Because of course there is.

I’m working on recognizing the Mom Guilt in me and addressing it.

Next time I find a moment for myself and  I feel mom guilt I want to recognize it, suppress my negative self-talk and I want to tell myself that I deserve this time to myself.

A2 calling me… got to go.

Creativity is a very powerful thing. Everyone has it either out in the open or tucked in deep. Not everyone expresses it. I realized that the expression of creativity helps me keep calm and reduce anxiety, easier said than done.

But where and how would I even start?

Creativity can be a scary thing. I’m going to create something and then become vulnerable to judgment. Why would I want that? Then again I’m supposed to be seeking discomfort in order to insure self-growth…

So I guess the first thing I need to do is set aside insecurities in order to release creativity.

I think I will focus on this during my next mediation.

During meditation as I inhale and exhale I practice inhaling something I want and exhaling a thought that represents something I want to get rid of.

Some mornings I inhale energy, positivity and courage to face my day and exhale tiredness, negativity and fear.

During my next meditation I’m going to exhale insecurity and inhale creativity.

So I made a dorky audition video.

Of course my children love it. They watched it so many times they know it by heart.

I had two minutes to show that I was a foodie with a big personality that can make something like baklava achievable. Of course there are a million other things I wanted to say but ….I had two minutes.

Express Accordion Baklava recipe.