Overwhelmed Mama

Monday July 25,2016

There was a time in my life when I thought I knew a lot. Then I discovered how wrong I was.

It’s a mid-summer Monday afternoon and I’ve put all A’s down for naps. Well, I use to put them down for naps, now I order them to go to bed, they don’t listen, I yell a bit, then I use my low finger pointing scary voice while holding my jaw shut very tight so I sound really angry… I have to scare them a little.

And I tell them “If I come back and I see one head lifted from the pillow I’m really going to get mad!”. And leave and go downstairs. At this point I know I have 14 minutes tops before they start sneaking out of bed. What’s the first thing I should do?! Laudry YES! A1 just came back from 5 day scout camp, there is a hockey bag in my living room, filled with dirty, I mean real dirty stuff. Or maybe write a post on my blog ?

As you can see I went for the post. And actually 14 minutes have long passed and I’m cutting mr.Freeze bags for A2 and A3 in the living room…

And A3 is ordering a “Bay-Daid” for her pretend bobo.

I keep thinking I have to end this post but they always seem to always calm back down. Now A2 is teaching A3 a song. At this point I have cookies and mr.freeze on the living room couches and I’m just trying not to lose my cool.

IMG_1003 I’m trying to stay calm to actually enjoy the their stillness. Sure they’re making a mess but at least they are quiet. If I start talking loud and waving my hands around they’re gona get nervous and I’m going to have to deal with cries and tantrums. Sometimes I feel the more invisible I am the calmer they are. Grand-parents and teachers speak of their great behavior yet with me… they are a whole other thing. I’m thinking I must be the problem.

Today I’m learning to focus on the moment. I learned that I need to take care of myself first in order to truly understand how to best serve my family. How can I become a better mother, a better lover, a better friend? It’s all in the same way, by Becoming a better person. How to become a better person?

Start by calming down.

Breathe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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As I’ve said before I don’t need anyone to validate me.

I’m a mother of three and if there’s anything that I want to teach my girls, it’s not to wait to be validated by anyone. I want them to validate themselves. To find out for themselves who and what they are. As I’ve learned to do. For example, I want them to decide for themselves if they are smart or not, and not let the rest of the world decide.

If you do not think that you are smart, then perhaps you are the smartest of them all. And you if you think that you are, that’s great, because that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

A young woman should be able to say “I am smart” Or even “I am beautiful”.

We’ve created a society in which it has become taboo for one to speak richly of oneself.  You are considered conceded and full of yourself if you’re heard.  Well I don’t think so! I think we should encourage people to believe in themselves. I believe in the power of self-confidence.

I’m on fire !

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Parenting: Still trying to figure it out.

Kids are finally asleep. I’m sitting here feeling overwhelmed, running the entire day back in my head wondering if I did this parenting thing right. Wondering what I could’ve done differently.images

Sometimes I think it was much easier when they were babies, sure I didn’t know what to do at times: What to do when they have a fever? How to soothe a colic? When to start baby food? But Google always had the answer.

Now I’m faced with much bigger challenges: What to do when my child misbehaves? How to properly discipline my child? When should I be a good cop and when should the bad?

I use to think that I was doing a good job parenting but the more they grow up and I see the fruit of my labor… I wonder.

Parenting is a constant guilt trip.  We get a little short tempered and feel bad right after. If I yell  at them during bed time I lie awake for hours afterwards shaking my head at myself thinking “I could’ve done better; I should’ve been more patient”.

Yes I feel overwhelmed at times, three little girls, with different characters, each with a different need every second. Sometimes I feel short of losing my mind. Now they’re interacting with each other, sometimes horribly clashing other times harmoniously bonding.

In this journey as a parent I’ve learned a few things. I’ve learned that I cannot make or break my child’s character and that alone helped relieve some pressure.

Another thing I’ve learned from my kids is forgiveness. Have you noticed that you could screw up real bad sometimes but they will always forgive you and accept your smiles and affection? They don’t hold grudges and know how to love unconditionally.

It is known that a parent loves their child more than the child loves the parent, but sometimes I think that the opposite might also be true. Not because we love them less than they love us, but because it seems like they simply know how to love better than us adults.

Perhaps we are all born with the capacity for unconditional love and then life happens…

They’re newer, closer to the way we were created. Life hasn’t taken too much of its toll on them yet. They still love by instinct.

Writing this right now makes me realize that I have no reason to worry for not being a perfect parent, for the children are smarter, purer, and more able than we think.  No need to feel guilty as long as you are aware of yourself and strive to be better.

Next time you think you made a mistake, perhaps lost patience, maybe even threw something or someone…

Just stop, look at them, tell them you’re sorry, hold them and see the unconditional love they have for you.

I feel better now.

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Love Talk

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I’m sitting here wondering.

Can anyone choose to fall in Love?

I mean can someone actually decide to fall in Love? Or does it just happen.

Let’s look at this backwards for a second.

Can anyone decide to not fall in Love?

You know, like when your body’s saying yes but your mind is telling you no. You decide and you stop. It’s called will . You have free will and you should use it.

Imagine a young woman who realizes she’s made a mistake by marrying her husband.

I’m wondering:  Can’t she just choose to fall in Love?

Imagine a young princess promised to a prince.

Does she choose to fall in Love? She better.

What about Adam and Eve?

Thank God  Adam was her  type…

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It’s past midnight. Happy Mother’s Day to me.

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Thank you!

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My Saturday night

Now he just told me it’s not Saturday night.
Ok so let’s start this again.

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Julie’s Kitchen Diaries

Finally released. Julie’s Kitchen Diaries Episode 1 features special guest Ara Ekmekdjian aka Chef Zona.

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Open Doors: Who still goes to church?

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A2’s day care is stuck to our community church, and now that they’ve locked the daycare side entrance door you have no choice but to go through the main entrance and walk past the open doors of the church. I feel guilty to just walk by it and not go in for a moment. I feel like I’ll be cursed if I just walked by. Especially that A1 is with me every day during that part of our daily routine. Maybe the side doors being locked are the local priest’s strategy to bring us closer to the church. Now that’s slick. I can say that I’m pretty lost in my spiritual identity but I know that being raised with religion gave me a certain peace of mind as a child. I was taught to pray and used it in time of need. Sure I might’ve prayed for the teacher not to check my homework or for that bully to leave me alone in the school bus, but I had something there, something to give me hope and keep my spirits high. I want my children to have at least that. Something to sooth them or ease their pain when they’re on their own. So every day we walk into church and take a moment. Every day we walk in and I take the time to be grateful and think about what I really want from myself. Honestly sometimes I just stand there soaking in the silence. Today I asked for… I didn’t know what to ask for… So many things on my mind…

I asked to want less.

I asked, please lord, help me want less.

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What should a woman really expect from a family man? Men please refrain from reading.

What should a woman really expect from a family man? Men please refrain from reading.
I am a mother of three and I’m barely holding on. How in the world did those moms manage to raise half a dozen kids back in the day? They raised those kids with practically no help from their husbands. How did they do it without losing their sanity? Or perhaps had they all gone insane and that somehow had become the norm? They did it all without relying on their husbands and yet there’s no way I can handle three on my own. Sure we’re the working generation, women work now. We live in a time where marital roles are shifting.

When the evening comes both parents are exhausted and this is where most arguments start. As per the tradition the woman is still expected to take care of the house work and most of us do. Some men step up to the plate and help out but why should it even be called helping out if the responsibility belongs to both. I’m not complaining, I’m just describing.

I was at a kid’s birthday party last week and a short conversation with the moms revealed that we’re mostly all going through the same thing. We take it all on our shoulders. The work, the kids, the house…all of it. My man helps me a lot, but all those details that need to be tended to are still handled by mom.

Is it gym day? What’s in the lunch box? What’s for supper? Are the vaccinations up to date? What about the dr’s appointments? What’s happening with the school project? Did you get a gift for the Saturday birthday? We have a wedding next month who’s watching the kids? Are the back packs ready? What’s for dinner? The list is endless…

I’ve finally realized that it’s not all the work that has brought me to exhaustion but that it’s this endless mind race that has brought me to this point, always something to think about, there’s always something to figure out. Between the kids and the home, it feels like it would take a full time administrative manager to figure it all out.

But what we truly have to keep in mind is that all this mayhem is temporary. Soon enough they will be a little more grown up and although we’ll be faced with a whole new set of teenage problems perhaps they will be less dependent of us and we might have more time to think about ourselves.IMG_6973

In the case of the mommy that needs daddy’s help, I would say it is good to get your man to help but make sure you don’t ruin a marriage over this issue. I’m going to go out and say it, as much as the man might help, we as women are the only ones who can really run this show. Make sure daddy takes care of mommy so that mommy can take care of the rest. Expect your man to take care of you. Only of you, set low expectations… it always turns out better that way.

Expect love from your man and nothing more. This will pay off in the long run, because when your children are grown up only you and this man will be left with this marriage. As much as we love them, men will never really understand what it is like to be a mother. And we will never understand what it’s like to be a husband to a crazed woman who expects so much from you.

Sometime last year I learned the secret to getting love from your man. A woman needs love, nothing more, we don’t really need the man to help us, we don’t really need him to know that gym clothes need to be washed by Wednesday and that back packs have to include blankets on Mondays. We just need them to hold us, kiss the back of our necks and tell us we’re beautiful in our pyjamas, with our tired eyes and messy hair.

I learned the secret to getting love last year and it has changed my life. Sure we we’re happily married but ever since I’ve applied this secret tensions and arguments have practically disappeared. This secret is hard to accept at first, especially if you’re a hardworking, money earning, home managing, all in control kind a mom…(just like me.)

The secret is respect.

The woman needs love and the man needs respect.

We need to pump up that balloon… give him the manly respect he deserves. Fake it if you got to, but just do it! A man doesn’t need love; he needs his wife to respect him. At first we women see that as condescending or degrading…why should I respect him?? We’re equals! He should respect me too! Sure, those were my initial thoughts…until I took this method to practice.

Stroke his ego; tell him what a great job he’s doing. Thank him for his help. Say sorry more often. Treat him with more respect and watch his love grow. It might feel out of character at first and you might get the “what’s up with you lately ?” comment. I sure did.

Caution! Do not tell him about your strategy, you will lose all credibility.

It’s ok if he can’t do as much as you do. You should only expect so much from yourself.

We can do most of it on our own, but that love part…we still need them for that.

Treat your man with more respect and expect love in return.

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A 15% Christmas

Chest nuts roasting over the open fire except We don’t have a fire place and even if we did who would lite it? Beautiful lights decorating the streets taking me on a guilt trip for not having opened the outdoor lights box I bought two years ago. People already sipping on hot chocolate while we’re all sipping on Amoxicillin .Christmas trees standing Tall in all of the windows reminding me that we haven’t put up our tree yet, entirely. We’re literally 15% there. My inner holy jolly Christmas spirit is being overpowered by the holy moly I’m exhausted mode. To all mommies barely making it, I wish you some sleep and an extra long shower for the holidays.
Take a look at this … A third of the tree with one single ornament hung by A2. That’s 15% wouldn’t you say?
Jack disagrees, he says 33%

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Nails, Toes and Chocolate Cake.

It’s almost 10 pm on a Tuesday night and I’m sitting at the edge of A2’s bed. If I move…it’s over, she will get up and sleep routine will start all over again. A1 shares the room and I can hear her nibbling on her finger nails.

“A1, stop biting your nails” I just whispered.

“but you bite yours” she quickly replied without hesitating.

She’s right and I don’t know what to tell her now.

Lately I’ve gotten back to my old bad habit of biting my nails and if you’ve ever been a nail bitter you’ll truly understand when I say I’ve bitten them so much and gone so far that my fingers hurt. I got up and took an Advil for my finger pain in the middle of the night last night cause I couldn’t sleep.  I know there’s worse to life than pain at the tip of my finger I’m not complaining , I’m just describing.

A1 is six now and she doesn’t hesitate to tell me what’s what.She calls me out on everything.

“How come you get to eat cake before supper” she said today as I was literally stuffing my mouth with a piece of chocolate cake standing over the sink. Where do I start explaining?

Look here little girl, mommy spends all day at work, then picks your little butts up from school every single day, one by one, stands outside in the snow, the rain and the cold, drives you home while you all nag and fight in the car, finally she gets home, empties the car of all the backpacks, and snow suits and gym bags and school projects…wow such a nice drawing, now where am I going to put this one, next to the other 346 you have? Then she goes back to the car to find your little sisters barefoot. Every single day, barefoot. What’s the deal with these toddlers? They seriously can’t wait till we get home to start picking out linen from their toes? Put their socks back on their feet, bend down to find their boots, man what a throw these little hands have… how did the boots get so far, reach the boots, work up a sweat, get back to their feet, they’ve taken their socks back off!!! WHY!!!!! PLEASE GOD!!! Mommy gives up and carries one baby in, comes back out carries baby two in, then comes back out for you only to find the mess they’ve left on their car seats, Cherrios, string cheese, apple slices everywhere, no time to clean A2 and A3 are inside by themselves, hurry in. Once inside, put Dora, No Angelina Ballerina, No Passe-Partout. No Dora no nothing get your homework! Then mommy stares inside the fridge for a few minutes hoping for the Holy spirit to intervene. No divine intervention. Then she cooks supper while your sisters dangle from her crotch area “Pick me up”, “No pick me up”, cutting board, boiling water, perfectly safe environment, “A1 write your words!”,”matin”, “soir”,”stop hitting your sister”, “no don’t write that”, mommy needs a break and since that’s not an option, SHE CAN HAVE CHOCLATE CAKE BEFORE SUPPER!

I’m still sitting on the edge of the bed, they’re asleep now. I can leave the room now…

I still didn’t have supper tonight. Where’s that chocolate cake?

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JulieTalk Live Montreal’s new weekly most ruthless online broadcast.

If you still haven’t caught an episode , here’s your chance. Julietalk brings topics to the table and hosts no limit conversations finally allowing truths to come out and lessons to be learned.
Be part of the fun, tune in.

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JulieTalkLive Montreal Weekly Live Broadcast

JulieTalkLive is a positively charged show bringing a real, honest and raw perspective on different aspects of life. This week’s episode features Dwayne Hanley artist and creator of artfollowsme.com and his loving wife Ani Hanley who taught us a couple of real life lessons. Their general take on life is inspirational and exemplary. Tune in Thursday nights on theunclehood.com at 10:30 to watch live episodes or catch the episodes in the JulieTalk Live archives. Watch episode 23 found below . http://youtu.be/PhK8TQa0b3c http://www.theunclehood.com/julietalk-live-ep-23-art-follows/

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Sourp-Kevork Laval Armenian Church organizes outdoor Armenian Brunch.

Today we took the family to an Armenian outdoor brunch organized by the Sourp-Kevork Laval Armenian Church. I had seen a flyer and thought to myself, one less meal to figure out, outdoor event, space for the kids to run wild and a food break for me…I’m in!

When we got there, we parked further away because A2 loves to walk to places, so we park the car far and she can feel like we walked there. Even from where we were, we could already smell the fresh Manaish. We were wondering how could the smell travel so far until we got there and realized they were making them fresh on the spot.

If you missed it, well, you missed out.

Here’s a little glimpse of it.
 

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JulieTalk Live New Montreal Online Radio Show growing daily.

JulieTalk Live Online Radio Show Episode 16 is called The Right Wine and The Wrong Wife.

Just like every week, we have no idea of the content of the show until we go on live and just “talk things out” sometimes there is a good outcome and other times it’s just crazy. Views are growing in numbers and we’re starting to realize that we perhaps should start being a little more careful about what we’re putting out there.

Truth is, with the hectic life of being a mother of three and full times worker, planning ahead of time for the content of the show is truly impossible. We will have to continue to just wing it and let truths come out as they will.

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At your own risk

From now on whenever we get into someone’s car I will have to make them sign a waver.
If you accept us into your car … You are risking this.

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JulieTalk Live: online Radio Show

Episode 15: Tuning Up Sticks and Balls.

As usual , we’re trying to hold a civil program but the subjects always shift towards anything we shouldn’t be talking about. Sticks and balls… And baby powdering your balls.
Golf balls of course!!
Check out this episode and feel free to be a part of the action by e-mailing questions, comments or guest suggestions at julietalk@live.ca

 

 

http://www.theunclehood.com/julietalk-live-ep-15-tuning-sticks-balls/

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