Tag Archives: love

Mark, are you paying attention ?

That last post came up Saturday night but was written Friday night right before I fell asleep at the keyboard.  The last sentence gave me such a feel of relief that I almost immediately fell asleep.

“Or maybe this is the moment when I realize I should live more for myself.”

That was it.

Live more for myself. Basically have a little more self-love and have the courage and energy to do the things I want to do and not only the things I have to do.

Is that a bad thing? I wonder if Jesus is ok with self-love and how I would know if  I’ve crossed the line from self-love to selfishness?

Ok I’m googling Jesus and Self-love.

Ok so Jesus said:

“Love your neighbor as yourself.” Mark 12:31

Wow now I’m a little more confused. Love my neighbor as myself? What if the problem is that I seem to love the neighbor more than myself? Should I love the neighbor less? That doesn’t make any sense. So what does Mark 12:31 even mean? Does it mean that Mark says that Jesus said that? So this is what Jesus said according to Mark’s memory? How long after hearing Jesus speak did Mark write this down?  Was it during, immediately after or long after? Is this exactly what he said or it this how Mark understood it? Come to think of it I’ve never seen ink or paper in any of the depictions of the time. If I’m going to consider this as a reference point in my life path then I need to ask the right questions and make sure it’s legit. No?

Who is Mark anyway ? Is he even one of the apostles?

Bah, I’m overthinking again.

In conclusion to last night’s post, what I need to keep remembering here is that a wall is built brick by brick. I can’t expect to see a wall before I’ve even started to build it. I shouldn’t be afraid to put a brick down and start even if I haven’t figured it all out.

And about that whole self-love thing I guess more love is never the wrong way. So more love for me and my neighbor!

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Dear Friend

You’ve been on my mind ever since I read your e-mail. Thank you for the updates and thank you for the congratulations.  On my end, life is hectic but I’m trying to make the best out of all situations, learning and growing every day. Everyone has reason to feel troublesome but know that happiness comes from within and therefor can never be lost. I just want to tell you to keep hope, and keep dreaming and wishing.

Sometimes we feel as though our dreams have not been fulfilled or goals not obtained, and then every time we think about these dreams or goals, our hearts fill with pain and our minds with fill with worry. I’ve learned that the best way is to be here in the now, appreciative and accepting of every single thing that is, emptying our hearts from pain and minds from worry. It took me many years to become this way, but as I said, every day is a step forward. I’ve learned that being here, now and constantly reminding myself of the things I am grateful for bring me in a state of bliss in which dreams can’t help but to manifest.

I might sound crazy, but I’ve learned more than I can handle these past few years. When a thought, dream or wish brings you to a blissful state, it is coming into your reality.

Be hopeful and happy, here, now.

Grateful and accepting, here, now.

And the world will be yours.

I love you, and wish that your dreams come true.

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A real talk: The son I loved and the gunman I feared.

I was barricaded in my glass home, and could see a masked gunman getting out of his car walking towards me. Somehow I knew who he was and why I was his target. I ran to the back of the house and handed my two year old son to a neighbour and watched as he was dragged away kicking and screaming with his arms reaching out to me. My heart shattered, for I knew this would be the last time I saw him. My body was overwhelmed in a sense of panic; I could feel my heart rate racing and my breaths getting shorter.

Suddenly I wake up.

It was a dream.

For a brief instance, I did believe it all. I had a son who I loved and a gunman who I feared. They were all real at the time. Everything that I base myself on to define reality was involved in this illusion. My senses wronged me, my memory failed me and my common sense was outright absent.

I realized all this when I woke up. Or else, I’d still believe it.

So what tells me that I’m not dreaming right now?

Who’s to say that right now is nothing but an illusion?

Quantum physics theorists state that matter as we know it does not exist. They compare “matter” to a hologram. According to them, a difference in vibrational frequencies is what differs the visible from the invisible, or the tangible from the intangible.

So basically, it is all an illusion. Kind of like my dream.

Real for now … until something else is reality.

Perhaps when we die, we wake up from this illusion into another dimension of reality, just like I woke up from my dream, back into this life.

My dream was my reality, while my reality was right there…sleeping. My dream and my life were both real, at the same time, in the same place, but in different dimensions.

Life is the same. The reality we seek is present, at all times. Except for now, this dimension is the one we perceive as our reality.

Heaven is here.

Hell is here.

Don’t worry so much. Just ride the wave. Someday, we’re going to wake up from this, and realize we had nothing to fear all along.

Perhaps, if someone had told me I was dreaming, while I was dreaming, I would’ve realized that whatever was happening was a creation of my subconscious mind. Perhaps, if I were aware that I was dreaming within the dream, I could focus, concentrate on my inner self and communicate with my real self. Basically just think to myself. Perhaps, if I realized that I, the I that I am, who is sleeping and dreaming of a glass house, a gunman and a son, perhaps I, could’ve changed the outcome of the dream.

Perhaps if I were conscious, I would have more control.

If life is an illusion, as these physicists claim, if life is a vibrational frequency, a reality within a parallel universe…then to me, it sounds exactly like a dream.

So how do I take control of this dream? Can I take control of this life?

Is the power of consciousness real? Is the power of the mindset real? How about the power of attraction?

This is where I am now, testing all this out, within myself.

I’ll let you know what happens…you know I always do.

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You only need to poke a bubble once for it to pop.

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Hope and Gratitude

Tomorrow morning I will be heading out to the Montreal Weekend to End Breast Cancer for the 6th year in a row. The feelings have already taken me over. My heart is already feeling heavy and my eyes are already holding back tears.

6 years ago, I lost my sister to cancer.

I keep shifting from anger to acceptance, back and forth.

6 years have passed and yet it feels like it all happened yesterday. The emotions are still so fresh.

 Time heals they say…

But in my case I feel as though every year that passes my emotions get stronger. I grow older and therefore understand more and more about the impact that this reality has.

It is only after having a husband that I understood the impact of this reality on a husband.

It is only after becoming a parent that I could merely understand the impact of this reality on a mother or a father.

It is only after reaching 30 that I could imagine how it would feel to know that you will only live 31 years.

I’m still not sure of the lesson life was out to teach us but, at this price, it must be an important one.

All I can say is that we should all be grateful for having the opportunity to live this life.

I am grateful every day, and I feel like I owe it to myself and to my sister to make the most out of this life.

Tomorrow is about hope.

Let’s make that Hope and Gratitude.

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Bed time: A mind war

It’s almost 9:30 pm. 23 month old A2 is standing up wailing in her crib. 5 year old A1 who shares the bedroom is narrating what’s happening and A3 just woke up by the chaos.

Beautiful.

It’s these moments that keep me in peace.

A2 just tossed her blanket and pacifier out of her crib again. I tried explaining to her that if she tosses them again, she won’t get them back… but we both know that she won’t sleep without them. So this is another mind game.

She threw them out, again, and she’s still crying. I tried taking them for a while. She cried… I held on to them for a few minutes then gave them back. That will work, I hoped.

Well it didn’t. She tossed them out within the same second and is still crying.

I went back to my chair without picking them up. And here I am. I’ve written about the chair before. I have a chair set up outside their bedroom, where I sit until they fall asleep. It’s been a while though. They’ve been good lately and didn’t require me to sit here until they fell asleep. But A2’s getting close to the crazy two’s and so I’m back here again.

It’s been a few minutes, I’m wondering if I should get up and hand her the pacifier and blanket just yet. Her cries are sounding more and more tiresome, with yawning intervals.

I got up and handed them to her, came back to my seat. I talked to her…I shouldn’t have talked to her.

She just threw them out again!

She wins this round, again.

Why don’t I just yell at her?

Because then I would teach her that yelling is a mean of communication that I use.

Because then she will fall asleep with fear having been her last emotion of the day.

Because then I would have put my child to bed in anger.

I’m hoping there’s a better solution.

I’ll figure it out…eventually.

This isn’t working.

A1 just suggested “call dad.”

Ya, call Jack and have him do the dirty work…

Ok one more try…

I tried the utter most tenderness. I went in, didn’t say a word picked her up, held her tight, kissed her, cleaned her face from tears, leaned down with her, she reached for her blanket and pacifier. I stood up, still not saying a word, I pointed to my cheek, she reached in and gave me a kiss. Then I pointed to her crib, placed her in. Sung her a lullaby and walked out.

Went back to my chair.

By the time my butt touched the seat …

She was already up and bawling again.

That was a complete fail.

Jack just came up. He gave it a go…

He tried tenderness, some discipline, yelled a little, played a little, danced a little…

Still a no go.

He leaves.

We should make them pay for tickets at this point, because we’ve become a show!

Ok I’m desperate; it’s been over 40 minutes. I know she’s tired.

I take out my phone and go online. Search for an Armenian Lullaby. I play it and go back to my seat.

She stopped.

This song is really beautiful.

She’s sleeping.

Unbelievable!

The power of music…

They’re sleeping in peace, no one got mad at another, no anger, no fear, no guilt.

Just love and music.

Ah… now that this is done, I should start with my chores… I’ll rest when I’m old.

Goodnight.

P.S Listen to this song, it will make any man, woman or child give in to slumber.

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So he wants me back.

Juicy title huh? Sounds like I’ve got a dating life…. Well I don’t.
I’m happily married and with 3 kids, keeping a love life alive can be a challenge. But nothing is impossible!
And it’s easier than you think. Last week when I was on The Uncle Mike Show, a viewer e-mail asked: do you still have time for romance?
And my reply was something along the lines of : “it takes little time for a lot of romance ” and the host of the show our dear Uncle Mike, jumped to conclusions and assumed I was talking about sex. Short lasting sex.
Well, that wasn’t at all what I meant. I meant it doesn’t take time to have romance because romance is a glance, an understanding, a look, a touch….
A sex life is important too but that will have to be the topic of another post… In another blog….
All this said….so he wants me back, I meant Uncle Mike, he had me on his show last week and he wants an encore.
Only one way to find out if last week’s success was a first timers luck…. I’m learning as I go….
You can catch last weeks episode on http://www.theunclemikeshow.com that specific episode is called Julie talk ruins Uncle Mike.
Ruin is a bit of a harsh word! Ruining anyone are never my intentions…
So we’ll see tonight if he’s done his homework. I have to prepare a Julie talk trivia for him, if you have suggestions for questions email me at julietalk@live.ca
Ill take any help I can get.

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A Happy Parenting Secret: How to deal with a toddler’s bed time tantrums.

Lately A2’s been throwing bed time tantrums. She’s almost 2 now. She decides she wants to go to bed, grabs her pacifier, blanket and bottle, does her rounds, says good night to everyone in the house, goes up the stairs and willing goes into her crib. All seems well … until we leave the room.

I’m sitting on a rocking chair, in the hallway, right outside A2’s bedroom where she can see me.

She’s standing up in her crib yelling. She just threw her pacifier, bottle and blanket out.

A2: “Mommmmmmmmmmy!”

Me: “Mommy’s here.”

I just got up, and handed her the pacifier and blanket. She reached out her arms “Please! Please!” and she’s crying really hard. I went back to my chair.

“Mommy’s here” is all I keep repeating.

I’m trying this technique I was taught when A1 was throwing bed time tantrums a few years ago. It worked back then with her, now I’m hoping it will work on A2.

I was told by a family member who is the principal of a daycare, to sit outside her room where she could see me. Make sure you’re not IN her room, she specified. So back then I set up the rocking chair outside A1’s room and I would sit there for 30 to 40 minutes every day until she fell asleep. I was pregnant with A2 then. I loved that time on that chair. If something needed to be done during the day I would leave it for “chair time”, I would fold the laundry, sow, even iron in that spot. Oh I just remembered how Jack would make me ginger tea for my nausea back then. And when I finished my chores, I would read. I’ve never read as much as I’ve read in this chair outside A1’s room.

Here I am, almost two years later, in the same spot.20130625-220158.jpg

It seems to have workedon A2. She’s not crying anymore, and she has her head down.

I love the chair time because you’re on duty but it’s still “me” time.  I’m so happy to be sitting here again. I guess this is where I’ll be blogging from now on.

Now that the Stanley Cup has been won and there’s no more Hockey I was worried about when I’ll have  the chance to blog…but everything worked out.

She’s fallen asleep.

Most of the time I question my parenting skills and wonder if I’m doing the right thing, but it feels so good when I know I’ve done something right.

I’m really happy to be on the chair again, I had forgotten how great it was.

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The Real Reason Kids sleep with some light on.

Kids sleep with light on. Why?

When they’re very young they’re not even afraid of the dark yet. And it’s not like the young ones are getting up to go to the bathroom at night or anything. Why do they sleep with the light on?

The real reason kids sleep with some light on is so that you can see them well when you watch them seep.

So you can clearly see them and wonder where the heck they came from?

So you can clearly see their features and wonder, who exactly do they look like?

So you can clearly see how tall they’ve gotten and wonder where time went?

So you can stand there staring at them wondering how you ever kept busy before having children and wonder what the heck you’ll do to keep busy once they’re all grown up.

They’ll grow up and never truly understand or return the love.

Until they have their own. Then, they’ll understand how they’ve been loved, they will love and their children will do the same to them.

Water flows down, just as love flows down from one generation to the other.

So when your toddler or baby is calling for you…no matter how tired you are, no matter what time of the night it is and no matter how many times you’ve already gotten up…embrace it. Enjoy it. Soon enough, they’ll stop calling.

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Granpa took a nap in a house with 3 girls. Woke up wearing a pink slipper.

Cinderella found her slipper.

 

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June 5, 2013 · 10:51 pm

Straight from my heart, a Mother’s day special

You look at me and what do you see?

You see me. You don’t see the jogging suit I’m wearing, my hair that’s a mess, my eyebrows that need help, the dark circles around my eyes, my pot belly … you don’t see any of that. You just see mom.

You see right through me. You see my soul.

You look at me and you learn.

I love you. Ever since I realized you can see inside me, I work every day to be a better person.

You stare into my eyes and wait for me to smile. And when I do, it makes your day. I see how you’re focused on me, even when I sometimes seem to be distracted by the world around me. But still, you’re looking at me.

My every word, my every move, my every emotion sculpts you. I want for you to grow up to be strong, expressive, brave, independent, self-aware, considerate and kind. For that, I work on me, every moment of every single day.

You deserve a strong, calm, focused and driven me.

And I will be that.

You will not understand the extent of my love for you and that’s alright with me. You will one day, turn your back on me and follow a life of your own, and that’s alright with me. For you will be even stronger, more expressive, braver, more independent, more self- aware, more considerate and kinder than me, and that’s all I’ll ever need.

One day, you might have children of your own, and only then will you understand how much I love you.

Mom, I love you. Thank you for who you have become for me. Today, I understand.

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