Tag Archives: truth

Mark, are you paying attention ?

That last post came up Saturday night but was written Friday night right before I fell asleep at the keyboard.  The last sentence gave me such a feel of relief that I almost immediately fell asleep.

“Or maybe this is the moment when I realize I should live more for myself.”

That was it.

Live more for myself. Basically have a little more self-love and have the courage and energy to do the things I want to do and not only the things I have to do.

Is that a bad thing? I wonder if Jesus is ok with self-love and how I would know if  I’ve crossed the line from self-love to selfishness?

Ok I’m googling Jesus and Self-love.

Ok so Jesus said:

“Love your neighbor as yourself.” Mark 12:31

Wow now I’m a little more confused. Love my neighbor as myself? What if the problem is that I seem to love the neighbor more than myself? Should I love the neighbor less? That doesn’t make any sense. So what does Mark 12:31 even mean? Does it mean that Mark says that Jesus said that? So this is what Jesus said according to Mark’s memory? How long after hearing Jesus speak did Mark write this down?  Was it during, immediately after or long after? Is this exactly what he said or it this how Mark understood it? Come to think of it I’ve never seen ink or paper in any of the depictions of the time. If I’m going to consider this as a reference point in my life path then I need to ask the right questions and make sure it’s legit. No?

Who is Mark anyway ? Is he even one of the apostles?

Bah, I’m overthinking again.

In conclusion to last night’s post, what I need to keep remembering here is that a wall is built brick by brick. I can’t expect to see a wall before I’ve even started to build it. I shouldn’t be afraid to put a brick down and start even if I haven’t figured it all out.

And about that whole self-love thing I guess more love is never the wrong way. So more love for me and my neighbor!

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Don’t count the days. Make the days count.

It’s almost midnight and I just finished packing the kids’ lunches.

Surely every mother feels the same. They exhaust the hell out of me, I’ll admit  that at times I might even count down the hours and minutes until bed time and yet once they’re finally  down I watch them sleep and think to myself  “ I don’t want  them to grow up”.

I remember rocking a few months old A3 a few years ago. She had been crying and I had been rocking her for hours until she finally fell asleep. I just wanted to put her down already. I remember thinking to myself that in the midst of that chaotic day I hadn’t even taken the time to really just look at her. I consoled myself and thought “it’s ok; she’ll still look the same tomorrow”.

Today is five years later and the memory of that precise moment when I thought to myslef that she wouldn’t change and how I could always look at her tomorrow is crystal clear in my mind yet the memory of what she actually looked like has completely faded away.

I guess we really do have to make the most of each day.

Jack just came into the room. He’s looking at me funny. Ok now he’s blowing kisses my way.

Well today is not over  just yet and  since I want to make the most of today perhaps  I should cut this post short and go be with him.

Jack : “When are you going to be done with your post?”

Me: “I’m done”

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Zombie Mom

mombie5:59 am this morning our three kids barged into our bedroom fully disguised and yelled HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Thanks for that morning jolt kids!  Jack woke up in a panic. I was in shock too. I was trying to understand how they were suddenly able to manage to dress themselves and get ready all by themselves when the rest of the school mornings they roll in their beds while I try to dress them.

Yup it’s Halloween aka mommy overtime. I apologize for my lack of enthusiasm, some days I am a Marry Poppins kind of mom but today doesn’t feel like one of those days. Today it’s just Zombie mom.

A working, cleaning, cooking, planning exhausted zombie mom.

I know I should make more time for myself. I’m trying but part of the problem is that we’ve been taught to play only after the work is done and the thing with motherhood is that the work is never done.

Never ever ever.

Never.

Oh how I had imagined parenthood in my dreams. I had only imagined the breezy and happy moments. I would imagine a happy family sitting at a dinner table. I used to imagine my future children so proper and well mannered. I thought of course they will sit still at dinner time, try to eat by themselves and engage into peaceful social interaction among themselves while we adults get a chance to catch up.

All I got to say to my young self is…

Ba-ha-ha! Ridiculous!

I guess the first stage of parenting is realizing how different it really is from what you could have ever imagined. The rest well I can’t really say. I’m still figuring it out for myself and truthfully it seems like the more the years pass the less I feel  I have it figured out.

Ok enough sulking let’s go hustle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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October 31, 2018 · 9:54 am

Just Grab Your Nuts

Just Grab Your Nuts

I use to not be such a fan of animals but my readings on consciousness have changed that about me. They’ve taught me to observe animals and to learn. Many meditation exercises include animals such as conscious butterfly watching.

Seriously when is the last time you watched a butterfly fly?

I watch a squirrel in our backyard and I wonder. Does the mama squirrel stress out over all the chores she has to do?  Does she worry that she won’t build the shelter in time or that she won’t store enough food for the winter?  I wonder, does she doubt herself or does she believe in herself?

Is an animal even able to imagine a worst case scenario?

Probably not.

A squirrel is surely capable of fear towards something real but unless it’s dreaming I would imagine it cannot scare itself by imagining worst case scenarios for herself and her fuzzy family. She doesn’t stress too much about it she just goes out there every day, rain or shine. She climbs the trees, stores de fruit, hides the nuts. She just does what she’s got to do to prepare for winter. Every day she trusts that the sun will go down and then come up again tomorrow.

Hmm I guess these books are right. Apparently I can learn from animals.

Now this mama squirrel has to go do mama squirrel things.

But still, I cannot help but wonder. Does that mama squirrel ever feel like she needs a crazy night out to party and unwind?

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Stop Pretending: Truths about parenting

Baby asleep in mom’s arms, family of four on the beach, kids playing in snow while parent sip on hot chocolate, beautiful clean and organized baby rooms, dinner at the dining room table with the kids… All images that depict the family lives. Or should we say family lies?
In reality the baby’s screaming in his moms arms for the whole night because he has colics and all she can do is wait 10 weeks to 10 months for them to pass, she’s sleepless and hormone packed, her life has just taken a spin and nobody has warned her about any of this.
The family of four on the beach can’t afford to be there in the first place, they went through hell and back trying to pack diapers, formula, food, sand toys, toys, dvds and they are doomed because they forgot to bring the favourite blanket without which baby won’t sleep, mom and dad haven’t had a single moment to themselves, now on top of everything they have to make sure their children don’t eat sand or get sun burns, everyone got diarrhea, and the kids got fever, they visited most of the country’s clinics, and they swore never to take the kids on vacation again yet they’re going to try again every year…. But that one picture they took…. That one moment everything was under control… That’s the pic the whole world get’s to see. Where’s the picture of daddy carrying 8 bags , 4 towels and 2 life jackets, on the burning hot sand while mom pushes the stroller trough the sand shouting ” I think there are lawn chairs available way over there”.
And the kids playing in the snow… Playing for 2 minutes and a half while it took you 20 to dress them. The moment you sit down you’re child is knocking on the door ” snow touched my wrist” because snow will forever get between their glove and jacket sleeve and make you wish you never even bothered.
We don’t know all this until we know, we innocently look at catalogues and see beautiful baby rooms, take the time to set them up while we don’t know that the moment baby gets teeth they’re going to chew that expensive Wooden crib to it’s core, the bed sheets will never ever really match because of the times you are going to change them because of pee and poo stains , the three drawers in the set are not going to be enough and that darling room will look like a plastic bin warehouse by the time you’re done sorting out the 3-6 months, 6-12 months, 12-18 months an have to start all over once you realize that the tag really means nothing about the size and that you always have to eye it.
And dinner at the dining room table … Funny joke! The dining room table might as well be disassembled and stored away for the next 8 years, because the truth is you will be walking around behind them with their supper in your hand trying to get a spoonful through whenever they’re distracted enough. And if they happen to sit at the table there won’t be any room for you because they’ll bring half their toys along with them. If you’re one of those who thinks ” my kids won’t be like that” you’re going to be especially fun to watch as a parent.
It is how it is, and it would be much easier for moms to cope with all of this if they were warned about it .
Lets just stop pretending and just start being.
Be honest, be proud, be happy.

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A real talk: The son I loved and the gunman I feared.

I was barricaded in my glass home, and could see a masked gunman getting out of his car walking towards me. Somehow I knew who he was and why I was his target. I ran to the back of the house and handed my two year old son to a neighbour and watched as he was dragged away kicking and screaming with his arms reaching out to me. My heart shattered, for I knew this would be the last time I saw him. My body was overwhelmed in a sense of panic; I could feel my heart rate racing and my breaths getting shorter.

Suddenly I wake up.

It was a dream.

For a brief instance, I did believe it all. I had a son who I loved and a gunman who I feared. They were all real at the time. Everything that I base myself on to define reality was involved in this illusion. My senses wronged me, my memory failed me and my common sense was outright absent.

I realized all this when I woke up. Or else, I’d still believe it.

So what tells me that I’m not dreaming right now?

Who’s to say that right now is nothing but an illusion?

Quantum physics theorists state that matter as we know it does not exist. They compare “matter” to a hologram. According to them, a difference in vibrational frequencies is what differs the visible from the invisible, or the tangible from the intangible.

So basically, it is all an illusion. Kind of like my dream.

Real for now … until something else is reality.

Perhaps when we die, we wake up from this illusion into another dimension of reality, just like I woke up from my dream, back into this life.

My dream was my reality, while my reality was right there…sleeping. My dream and my life were both real, at the same time, in the same place, but in different dimensions.

Life is the same. The reality we seek is present, at all times. Except for now, this dimension is the one we perceive as our reality.

Heaven is here.

Hell is here.

Don’t worry so much. Just ride the wave. Someday, we’re going to wake up from this, and realize we had nothing to fear all along.

Perhaps, if someone had told me I was dreaming, while I was dreaming, I would’ve realized that whatever was happening was a creation of my subconscious mind. Perhaps, if I were aware that I was dreaming within the dream, I could focus, concentrate on my inner self and communicate with my real self. Basically just think to myself. Perhaps, if I realized that I, the I that I am, who is sleeping and dreaming of a glass house, a gunman and a son, perhaps I, could’ve changed the outcome of the dream.

Perhaps if I were conscious, I would have more control.

If life is an illusion, as these physicists claim, if life is a vibrational frequency, a reality within a parallel universe…then to me, it sounds exactly like a dream.

So how do I take control of this dream? Can I take control of this life?

Is the power of consciousness real? Is the power of the mindset real? How about the power of attraction?

This is where I am now, testing all this out, within myself.

I’ll let you know what happens…you know I always do.

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The truth about Victoria day

So today was Victoria Day. Or so they said.

Before I started writing this post, I actually Googled: “Victoria Day” to find out if it was actually today.

All I know, is that today, the kids didn’t have school. That means, 3 kids, 3 meals, 2 naps (A1 won’t bend), an outing, baths if necessary (usually only A2), 3 simultaneous but completely different bed time routines including the flapping arm thing I mentioned, a story and 3 warm milks of different preparations and presentations of course. Oh ya, and forgot to mention, endless diaper changes.

So thank You Queen Victoria for letting my husband stay home from work today.

(And then I bow)

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The Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth

Daddy has to be at work most of the time, so that leaves me with the three little ones. Needless to say things do get out of control. Having three doesn’t even justify it, because it was the very same way when I only had one. Crayons get eaten every day, it’s part of our daily diet, a new food group. Heck, let’s be honest, toxic markers get eaten too. As for toilet water, it has become a regular cocktail. A2 went for it again today. It must be something good. Maybe I should try it too…

Don’t fight the chaos, embrace it, enjoy it and laugh!   They have a life time to be proper, and not drink toilet water or eat ladybugs. Today, they are kids and being proper, or clean for that matter, doesn’t matter to them. They live in a world where anything goes and everything is always ok. They welcome us there with open arms, but most times we’re not interested. We’re too busy thinking about the mess, the laundry piling up and the mountain of dishes sitting in the sink.  Sometimes, my sink is so full that the glassware at the bottom of it breaks.

One day, I took a few pictures of the mess. I’ll put it in my blog, I thought. You’ll never believe what happened next. Do you know why I didn’t put them up? I was actually ashamed.

“What? You know shame?” (I talk to myself sometimes, bare with me please)

But today, I’ve decided to post them. I want mothers everywhere to see that they are not alone.

Feel free to share, if you think it might encourage fellow parents.

P.S I hope I’m not shooting myself in the foot right now.

The Mess

I heard that!

We clean up, pick up everyday. Believe it or not!

I’ve never paid real close attention to this picture. I just noticed the phone that’s unhooked behind A3, no wonder I don’t get any calls.

We place A3 up there and block the passage with two foot rests to protect her from A2′s grip.

It never really worked…

You can see the overflowing sink as promised.

In the middle, you can see a card board box we turned into a house. A house with one wall!

That’s what I was doing instead of cleaning up…oh ya, that and taking pictures!

As I mentioned, those foot rests placed by A3 to keep A2 away never really worked.
I should’ve known better. A2 could climb anything by the age of 6 months.
Hmmm…. I have a picture I’ve got to find and post.

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