Tag Archives: motherhood

October 5, 2018 · 2:54 pm

Just Grab Your Nuts

Just Grab Your Nuts

I use to not be such a fan of animals but my readings on consciousness have changed that about me. They’ve taught me to observe animals and to learn. Many meditation exercises include animals such as conscious butterfly watching.

Seriously when is the last time you watched a butterfly fly?

I watch a squirrel in our backyard and I wonder. Does the mama squirrel stress out over all the chores she has to do?  Does she worry that she won’t build the shelter in time or that she won’t store enough food for the winter?  I wonder, does she doubt herself or does she believe in herself?

Is an animal even able to imagine a worst case scenario?

Probably not.

A squirrel is surely capable of fear towards something real but unless it’s dreaming I would imagine it cannot scare itself by imagining worst case scenarios for herself and her fuzzy family. She doesn’t stress too much about it she just goes out there every day, rain or shine. She climbs the trees, stores de fruit, hides the nuts. She just does what she’s got to do to prepare for winter. Every day she trusts that the sun will go down and then come up again tomorrow.

Hmm I guess these books are right. Apparently I can learn from animals.

Now this mama squirrel has to go do mama squirrel things.

But still, I cannot help but wonder. Does that mama squirrel ever feel like she needs a crazy night out to party and unwind?

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January 17, 2014 · 11:54 pm

Stop Pretending: Truths about parenting

Baby asleep in mom’s arms, family of four on the beach, kids playing in snow while parent sip on hot chocolate, beautiful clean and organized baby rooms, dinner at the dining room table with the kids… All images that depict the family lives. Or should we say family lies?
In reality the baby’s screaming in his moms arms for the whole night because he has colics and all she can do is wait 10 weeks to 10 months for them to pass, she’s sleepless and hormone packed, her life has just taken a spin and nobody has warned her about any of this.
The family of four on the beach can’t afford to be there in the first place, they went through hell and back trying to pack diapers, formula, food, sand toys, toys, dvds and they are doomed because they forgot to bring the favourite blanket without which baby won’t sleep, mom and dad haven’t had a single moment to themselves, now on top of everything they have to make sure their children don’t eat sand or get sun burns, everyone got diarrhea, and the kids got fever, they visited most of the country’s clinics, and they swore never to take the kids on vacation again yet they’re going to try again every year…. But that one picture they took…. That one moment everything was under control… That’s the pic the whole world get’s to see. Where’s the picture of daddy carrying 8 bags , 4 towels and 2 life jackets, on the burning hot sand while mom pushes the stroller trough the sand shouting ” I think there are lawn chairs available way over there”.
And the kids playing in the snow… Playing for 2 minutes and a half while it took you 20 to dress them. The moment you sit down you’re child is knocking on the door ” snow touched my wrist” because snow will forever get between their glove and jacket sleeve and make you wish you never even bothered.
We don’t know all this until we know, we innocently look at catalogues and see beautiful baby rooms, take the time to set them up while we don’t know that the moment baby gets teeth they’re going to chew that expensive Wooden crib to it’s core, the bed sheets will never ever really match because of the times you are going to change them because of pee and poo stains , the three drawers in the set are not going to be enough and that darling room will look like a plastic bin warehouse by the time you’re done sorting out the 3-6 months, 6-12 months, 12-18 months an have to start all over once you realize that the tag really means nothing about the size and that you always have to eye it.
And dinner at the dining room table … Funny joke! The dining room table might as well be disassembled and stored away for the next 8 years, because the truth is you will be walking around behind them with their supper in your hand trying to get a spoonful through whenever they’re distracted enough. And if they happen to sit at the table there won’t be any room for you because they’ll bring half their toys along with them. If you’re one of those who thinks ” my kids won’t be like that” you’re going to be especially fun to watch as a parent.
It is how it is, and it would be much easier for moms to cope with all of this if they were warned about it .
Lets just stop pretending and just start being.
Be honest, be proud, be happy.

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December 24, 2013 · 12:37 am

Open Windows and Iced Water

Holiday madness, everybody’s got a thousand things to do. I am hosting on Christmas day and my mother insisted on helping me with the cooking. I am very particular when it comes to this, I don’t know how to explain it but I like to take care of the cooking myself when I have guests over. Sometimes it’s just impossible, and I have to accept help, but a part of me still really struggles with that. I think I just like to play host, and it kills me that I can’t properly do it.

I blame the kids, entirely. Hopefully, one day, when they grow up, I’ll have the chance to host as I please, and for payback, I’ll make them wash the dishes and clean the house. It’s going to be wonderful having three girls around to help me with cooking and cleaning. If they’re going to be anything close to what I was as a teenager, then I’m pretty much doomed but there’s always wishing. I didn’t lift a finger when I lived with my parents; I never did my own laundry and never ever cooked a meal for myself. I didn’t even clean my room. One time after ignoring my mother’s threats about my dirty room,  I came back to a very clean room. Clean alright, my mom had thrown everything out of the window, literally out of the window. I must say she had a unique parenting tactic, but I must admit I wasn’t the easiest to deal with. Every morning she would try to wake me up for school and I just wouldn’t budge until one day, she poured an icy glass of water on my face. Not only did that get me up and running, but from then on, all she had to do was shake a glass of icy water and let the sound of those clinking ice cubes wake me up.

I’m nervous about writing about my mom because I’m afraid of misrepresenting her, she truly is a wonderful woman and I would be lucky to be half as wise as her.

A couple of days ago, as I was in the middle of my usual mayhem, the phone rang; it was a challenge just to get to the phone. It was my mother telling me all about the great food she’s been cooking for Christmas at my house. And what do I say to her: thank you? I love you? You’re the best for doing this for me?

No…

I say “ Mom, I’m very busy right now and I really can’t talk”.

I know… it’s bad. Why do we treat our moms like this? I hope they know we love them no matter what non-sense we say…That specific day, not only did my mom spend her only day off cooking for me, but then went and got A1 from school and kept her so that I could have it a little easier for a few hours with only the other two.

I know. I’m a monster.

So after I told my mother I didn’t have time to talk I asked to speak with my daughter.

I had spent hours making personalized Christmas gifts for each and every one of her teachers, following her every last request and demand. That was the day she was supposed to give the gifts to her teachers.

So I asked my mom: “Could I talk to A1?” and she passed the phone.

A1 said “Hi”

I asked her “How are you? Did the teachers like their gift? Did they open it?”

And do you know what she responded? Life. just full of lessons, pouring out in every single moment….

She responded “MOM! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR QUESTIONS, I’M PLAYING!” and handed the phone back to her grandma.

There you go… this is life.

So how do I feel now?

I’m thinking, if I love my mom the way I know I love my mom and I still talk to her this way, then I am reassured to know that my daughter loves me even though she talks to me this way. Writing this, I have a huge smile on my face and eyes filled with tears, for I’ve just understood how my mom deals with me.

With love.

No matter what I do, or say, she never doubts my love.

And now, I guess I do the same for my daughter.

I learn from my mother every day and I learn from my daughters every day, and the oddest part is that they seem to teach me most about myself.

Mommy I love you, and I’m sorry for snapping at you.

And A1 you better be ready because I’m coming at you with open windows and iced water!

heart

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July 2, 2013 · 10:13 pm

The Peasant and the Queen

It is not enough that there are babies everywhere in this house, but the babies have their own babies. Baby dolls, which have their own strollers, diapers, bottles, car seats, clothes, pacifiers, beds and even high chairs. A good friend of mine wanted to buy A1 a baby doll play pen… “Please don’t do that! I beg you” I said, thank goodness she listened.

Instead she bought her a treasure chest filled with different princess dresses.  A1 loves it; she puts on a princess dress the second she gets home from school.

Jack seriously voiced his concern about this today. “We have to do something, this is not normal” he said.

I’m pretty sure it’s normal, but I do agree that she needs to learn to be a little tougher. She walks around in dresses and requires us to adress her as “Queen A1”…and we do .

“Dinner is served, my Queen”

And she walks into the kitchen, wearing a tiara, walking on the tip of her toes, holding her dress up with the tip of her fingers and behind her follows wobbling A2, barefoot, with marker stains all over her face and clothes.  The Queen and the Peasant.

They both sit at the dinner table and the circus starts!

Feeding A1 requires an incredible talent of persuasion and negotiation.

Me: Ok, three more bites.

A1: No! One!

Me: Ok then, you eat all of it.

A1: No No!

Me: Then it’s three.

A1: No! Five!

Me: Five is a bigger number than three!

And we laugh together. Those really are the moments that make it all worth it.

Feeding A2 on the other hand, requires two spoons, incredible speed and a cleaning crew.

A3 is usually strapped onto me in a baby carrier during all of this. She eats after them. Feeding A3 requires a lab suit and a face mask to protect you from all the spitting, combined with a sword and shield to fight back A2 who comes with force for the baby food.

As if all of this is not enough, today we put in A1’s kindergarten graduation show’s DVD in during supper. Her graduation show, during which I had to hide my face behind A2’s head who was sitting on my lap. I was hiding because I got so emotional and  was crying non-stop, uncontrollably.  I was even crying when other kids were on stage. Graduations are truly bitter sweet. I’m gonna cry now…

So we decide to put in this DVD during supper today, you would think I had gotten it all out of my system that day…wrong! I started crying again. So today during supper time I had tears rolling down my cheeks and a quivering lip all the while negotiating with A1, chasing A2 and carrying A3.

A real Circus!

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July 1, 2013 · 10:21 pm

ADVOCATE TO THE PARTY MAMA

Almost the end of Canada day and I didn’t even have a chance to think about it… The kids are finally asleep and I finally sat down, my fingers are literally shaking, my knees hurt and I have a massive migraine behind my left eye. I can’t just say nothing and make it sound like the children are responsible of this… We went out last night and came back home when the birds were singing. (Babysitting arrangements were made of course and our minds were at ease.) But one thing I’m truly a champ at is getting up a couple of hours later to my three kids, hang over free, ready to rock and roll!

I focus on my state of mind and hope my body will follow. I’ve mentioned before how difficult it is for parents to go out, because we feel as though it’s really got to be worth it. If you’re going to leave your kids, make babysitting arrangements, stay up late and miss out on precious sleep time because your children are waking up before 7 am the next day, then YOU BETTER MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME!

That’s why we attack that bottle as soon as we can. So don’t go judging the party mama! If you believe in “Work hard, play hard” then that Mama should be taking shots at the end of an ice slide, chugging beers like  Frank the Tank, dancing on the speakers and doing whatever the hell she wants!!

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May 7, 2013 · 2:21 pm

Straight from my heart, a Mother’s day special

You look at me and what do you see?

You see me. You don’t see the jogging suit I’m wearing, my hair that’s a mess, my eyebrows that need help, the dark circles around my eyes, my pot belly … you don’t see any of that. You just see mom.

You see right through me. You see my soul.

You look at me and you learn.

I love you. Ever since I realized you can see inside me, I work every day to be a better person.

You stare into my eyes and wait for me to smile. And when I do, it makes your day. I see how you’re focused on me, even when I sometimes seem to be distracted by the world around me. But still, you’re looking at me.

My every word, my every move, my every emotion sculpts you. I want for you to grow up to be strong, expressive, brave, independent, self-aware, considerate and kind. For that, I work on me, every moment of every single day.

You deserve a strong, calm, focused and driven me.

And I will be that.

You will not understand the extent of my love for you and that’s alright with me. You will one day, turn your back on me and follow a life of your own, and that’s alright with me. For you will be even stronger, more expressive, braver, more independent, more self- aware, more considerate and kinder than me, and that’s all I’ll ever need.

One day, you might have children of your own, and only then will you understand how much I love you.

Mom, I love you. Thank you for who you have become for me. Today, I understand.

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April 18, 2013 · 5:35 pm

no structure…and looks like it will keep getting worse.

It’s after school but before supper. A1 and A2 are playing in the backyard while A3’s sleeping inside. I’m sitting on the porch. I’m just letting this sink in. They’re playing outside on their own. There not crying for me, they don’t need anything from me… just on their own.

Already?

It’s feels weird, bitter sweet in a way? I guess I’m going to be like those mothers who feel like their kids grew up too fast and then hold on to their youngest and never let them grow up.

Nah!

Sometimes I think ahead and wonder what kind of journey lies ahead with 3 teenage girls….

I watch Roseanne sometimes and get worried. “We’re quit alike” I think.

Don’t think too far ahead, take it one day at a time. Better yet, don’t only take it one day at a time, enjoy each day, feel each moment and be grateful for what is today. It could all be gone tomorrow.

Easier said than done and even easier read than done.

Sometimes I have to actively stop all my thoughts to ask myself “Am I in the moment?”. I’m usually not. But I would like to be. I’m trying.

Now A2 and A3 are fighting over a toy. Should I interfere? Or let them sort it out on their own. I usually let them deal with each other, I’m not even sure if it’s the right thing to do. I feel like today’s adults are much more involved in the children’s lives. I remember playing in the basement or outside a lot, without my parents hearing all the nonsense I said.

Not sure if it’s a bad or good thing.

I’m going to suddenly change the topic now.

There have been many posts that I’ve deleted, sometimes I felt they went nowhere and other times I felt they were too chaotic and no one in their right mind would be able to follow.

Well, from now on, I’m going to post all of my drafts.

Today a good friend of mine gathered her courage and told me “Your posts need structure, I start reading and give up mid-way because I can’t even follow”

Oh my I gotta go, A2 went inside, she might attack A3, and she has chalk on her face. Not sure if she ate some.

To be continued…

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April 15, 2013 · 10:34 pm

Talking poop

Finally ! Some down time.

Jack is finally watching tonight’s game. It’s recorded so that he can watch it peacefully once the girls are sleeping. Last time we watched a game together, I asked too many questions and then really aggravated him when I said that the opposite team seem to be better skaters. “They glide better” I said, while our team was losing 5 to 1. Needless to say, I learned a new lesson.

Note to self: Do not say anything negative about the team during a bad game.

In fact, I should’ve stuck with simply not talking to him during the game. What was I thinking?

He was so emotional about it… jeez.

I’ve also learned that to keep our marriage happy I should only say half of the things I’m thinking to say. A less talkative me makes a much happier him.

Poor him he’s got 3 more to deal with, and they all seem to be growing up to be as talkative as me.

Today at the dinner table, A1 asked “Next time I sleep at granma’s I’m going to make cookies, do you think that’s a good idea, a bad idea, a very good idea, a very bad idea, a very very bad idea or a very very good idea?”

Waaaaaaaa? Again we just stand there without an answer. We lost you after “cookie” kid!

Last time at dinner, conversation was about Elephant Poo. “Do you think the Elephant poops this much?” A1 shows the size of a pile, “Or this much?” she show’s a bigger pile. Jack answers “Thiiiiiiiiis muuuuuuuuch!” even A2 was participating to the conversation, after all it was mostly sign language, and poo is a word she knows well.

Poo is a word we know well too. You expect to have to deal with poop when becoming a parent, but no one tells you that it will end up in your hair, on your face and under your socks at least once at some point of the process. You better wish it happens sooner than later, because the older they get, the more real their poop gets. When they’re new born and only drink milk, it barely qualifies as poop, it’s more like mud. It doesn’t even smell all that bad. But when they’re all food group eating toddlers….ooof!

I remember, a long time ago, when my grandmother was changing my bratty little brother’s poopy diaper, he wouldn’t stay put. Poor woman was left in sweats by the time she managed to get him cleaned up. She grabbed a wipe to wipe her face only to realize she had just used the dirty poopy wipe on her face.

I was 8, I laughed so hard not knowing life had similar plans reserved for me…

If someone’s ever scared you by running after you with a Kleenex containing a squished spider, a dirty diaper filled with stinking, hot S&*% is good payback.

Well, I just spent 260 words talking about crap. That’s why blogs are so great, anything goes!

I think next time I’ll write about farts. Oh! So much to say!

Btw after the last post I went to check on the kids and found this.DSC04415 - Copy

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February 11, 2013 · 10:06 pm

The hare and the Anniversary Special

Hare: n. Any of various mammals of the family Leporidae, especially of the genus Lepus, similar to rabbits but having longer ears and legs and giving birth to active, furred young. (thefreedictionnary.com)

Dishes, laundry and bathing three kids leaves mommy in a cold shower by the end of the evening. No more hot water.

Right before that, A1 asked to be read a story before bed. So I started:

“ I’m gonna tell you the story of the turtle and the, the hmmm… how do we say “lièvre” in english.”

A1: What’s that mommy?

Me : It’s a wild rabbit that runs fast.

A1: Oh! A kangaroo?

Me : No. Let’s ask daddy. DAAADDDYYY

Jack answers from across the hall “What!”

Me: How do you say “Lièvre” in English?

Jack: I dunno. Coyote ?

Btw as I wrote  this Jack came up behind me and said.egg

“Don’t post this; people are going think I’m stupid… You’re still going to post it aren’t you? Your blog is nothing without me!”

And he’s right the blog is about my life and he’s a big part of it. Since we’re talking about Jack, might as well continue.

In our house weekends are so chaotic that we rarely have time to eat, so I always prepare a bowl of hard-boiled eggs so we can at least have a quick dose of protein in a snack. Jack has made it a habit to crack the egg on his head. Yes you read right. He takes the boiled egg and he smashes it on his head. It’s partly to make the children laugh but he does it even when they’re not around.

So Saturday, on our anniversary, I decided to put one non-boiled egg in that bowl.

I think you can imagine the rest…

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February 7, 2013 · 3:21 am

Why a blog?

 I haven’t blogged in a few days and it’s been bothering me. 

This is not working. Every time something happens I try to memorize it so that I can later write it in my journal. When I eventually have some time I try to read my journal (whatever I had time to write) so that I can blog about it. Since no there’s way I have time to do all that, I’m going to have to say goodbye to my notebook.

Aha! Did you think I was going to say “the Blog “just there? Well since I don’t want that to happen, I’m getting get rid of the notebook and I’m going to keep writing what I’m thinking in the moment.

Sunday night, I joined some friends at a Super Bowl party after the kid’s bed time.  On my way home I almost got into a bad car accident. The reason was simply that I was thinking about a million things at the same time, and therefore was distracted.

I’m usually good at finding fun ways to manage the kids and keeping my stress level down, but recently, after having baby # 3 I must admit it’s been a challenge. I really need to make some adjustments in order to come back to my usual self. There’s only so much I can do with the kids and the chaos but there’s a lot I can do with myself.  I guess this blog can be the first step by giving me a way to vent.

(To be continued)

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