Tag Archives: Life
Make sure to take some time to listen to the rain . Teach your children to do the same. Take a moment , stop what you are doing and just listen.
In that moment , you will be in the moment . You will be present and more alive than ever.
If you don’t have time…
If we don’t have time to do nothing, how can we ever do anything?
It’s 8 am and I didn’t sleep for more than 45 minutes straight tonight. It was one of these nights where A3’s regular every two hour feedings woke up A2 who threw a fit and woke up A1. At about 3:40 am this morning all three were crying.
Yes A3 is 8 months old and still wakes up every two hours. How come? I don’t know. To make sure I’m a sleepless mother of three. A2 wasn’t like this. Each child is completely different. The way they eat or sleep has really nothing to do with the way you raise them. I’ve raised all three the same, yet A1 won’t eat anything unless you are very persuasive or the food is pink while A2 will steal your sandwich if you look away, like some kind of starving seagull.
Exhausted to the core, I’ve never been this tired in my entire life. I’ll rest when I’m old, I figure. They’re bound to grow up, eat, drink and poop on their own…I suppose. How do moms do it? We just do it! We don’t think about it too much, we just do what needs to be done. It is completely useless to sulk on the negative and concentrate on your fatigue. The more you think about it, the more of a presence it has in your life. I try to take it like a one shot super long shift of a job that I love.
The worst is when you’re sick. Nausea? Vomiting? Diarrhea? Nope! Can’t call in sick for this job. You just gotta keep doing what you’re doing and tough it out. Sit on that toilet and tell a story at the same time! Hold back your nausea while feeding them and if you get really dizzy push a few toys off the couch, lie down and call out their names one by one just to make sure that one of them hasn’t figured out a way to open the front door and isn’t already playing in your garbage that’s out on the street.
Take a guess!! Which one do you think did that…A2 of course!
You are the Creator of your own experience.
We come into this world with no knowledge of it. We only know one thing, we know ourselves. We become children and learn more and more about simple realities of the world. Then we become fully informed adults. Fully informed about the realities of the world and we never stop learning.
All this knowledge of the world is great. But we seem to forget the first thing we ever knew.
We forget ourselves. We’re distracted by life and forget the true essence of who we are.
Look inside, explore. Who are you? Do you really even know?
I’m turning 30 this year and I’m still learning things about myself and I’m realizing that I still have a very long way to go before I can say that I know all that I am.
You know your mind, you know your body. Who are you aside of your body or of your mind?
Body and brain are matter, tissue, all physically tangible. What are you other than that?
We’re born aware of ourselves and then we lose this knowledge along the way.
A few months ago I blogged about how I wanted to break free of my body. How I didn’t want my body to decide for me how I should feel. How I didn’t want hormones, lack of sleep, work, stress or anything else to control me. I want to be in control of myself. I want to choose my emotions. I want to choose happy and that’s what I want to be.
I was seeking for answers.
When you seek, you usually find.
And I did.
I learned that looking inside you and connecting with the person you are within yourself can help you dissociate from your body.
Does this make any sense? Is anybody following? Do you think I’m crazy?
Basically I’ve found something that works for me and I’m sharing.
I assure you my hormones are still raging, my exhaustion is at a peak that I’ve never known before and sleep is relatively inexistent.
But I’m happy. Always happy.
We think that children have trouble dissociating what is real from unreal. While we’re actually further from the truth than them.
Step 1. Break free from your body by connect with your inner self.
“How many steps to this whole process ?”
I’m don’t know because I haven’t finished it.
“How do I connect with my inner self?”
That can be explained in a future post.
I’ll close the lights; maybe I won’t see the mess. I’m sitting in the “proper” living room right now, trying to get away from the family room. Just to let you know how “proper” it is here, there’s a tricycle right next to me.
People ask me “doesn’t it bother you?” of course I would love to have a perfectly organized and clean house… but that’s not my reality. I have an almost 2 year old whose second favorite hobby is emptying drawers and cupboards on the floor. There’s no secret stash child!
Her first favorite hobby is sticking her hand in the toilet. You all know that by now.
We try to keep them busy over the weekend by doing activities. We played outside, A2 ate gravel, we drew on the sidewalk, A2 ate the chalk, we made bubbles, A2 drank the bubble soap. Before the day was over she went through 4 outfit changes and finally 10 minutes before bed time she stuck her whole arm in the toilet. Jack had to hold her while I washed her; we scrubbed her as if she was going in to perform surgery. “Scrub harder” Jack insisted. It’s just toilet water, no big deal.
Just as we thought the day was over, we found her in the upstairs bathroom chugging a bottle of Jack’s contact lens cleaning liquid.
After they were all put to bed, I went outside for some fresh air. “I’m outside” I told Jack. Sat on my front porch, exchanged a few texts with some friends and they came by to pick me up for a little drive. We drive up and go watch the mansions sometimes, dream big a little, chit chat a little and I’m usually back home within a half hour.
This time, I came back home 5 hours later, drunk with a glow stick necklace around my neck.
You have more power over your personality than you think. You choose.
Sometimes I get anxious just thinking about everything that I want to do. I want to do so much, yet days are so short, weeks go by so fast and years just seem to be flying by.
Sometimes I wonder, why are we given so much motivation, so much drive and so much passion, when we might never have time to answer to all of those needs within this life span.
I think about it and I quiver. I really do. My hands are shaking from it right now.
Right now, I’m just trying to tame this feeling inside me. I have young children now, and I should be focused on them. Only them. They deserve it.
“Don’t worry about it now; you have your whole life ahead of you”
Makes sense. I’m trying to convince myself of that.
How do you make it big without making your children pay the price? Is it possible to be a great mother and have a successful career all at the same time?
I’m seeking answers.
When I seek, I usually find. But before finding, I learn, I learn a lot.
Right now I’m still learning. I’ve learned that not many will want the best for you. Not many, if any, can be really happy for you. Genuinely, honestly, transparently happy for you.
One has to be in a very peaceful and balanced mind set, to be able to truly want the best for you and help you get there. It’s not that people are bad intentioned, it’s just that, they might not be there just yet. It takes a lot to want the best for someone as much as you want it for yourself.
While seeking for answers, I have to ask questions. My questions, such as this one, expose my weaknesses. My exposed weaknesses attract predators. Such is the law of nature.
People tend to use other people as stepping stones to get to where they want to get. I don’t mind being a stepping stone as long as you will turn around, and lend a hand to pull me up, once you’re up there. There seems to be more stepping, than pulling.
Be true to yourself, don’t get distracted, focus on what you want for yourself and not what others want for you. You’re idea of success, happiness, love or wealth can differ from another’s.
Decide what you want. Then go for it. Don’t wait. Time is passing by, oh so quickly.
Baby just woke up.
Finally ! Some down time.
Jack is finally watching tonight’s game. It’s recorded so that he can watch it peacefully once the girls are sleeping. Last time we watched a game together, I asked too many questions and then really aggravated him when I said that the opposite team seem to be better skaters. “They glide better” I said, while our team was losing 5 to 1. Needless to say, I learned a new lesson.
Note to self: Do not say anything negative about the team during a bad game.
In fact, I should’ve stuck with simply not talking to him during the game. What was I thinking?
He was so emotional about it… jeez.
I’ve also learned that to keep our marriage happy I should only say half of the things I’m thinking to say. A less talkative me makes a much happier him.
Poor him he’s got 3 more to deal with, and they all seem to be growing up to be as talkative as me.
Today at the dinner table, A1 asked “Next time I sleep at granma’s I’m going to make cookies, do you think that’s a good idea, a bad idea, a very good idea, a very bad idea, a very very bad idea or a very very good idea?”
Waaaaaaaa? Again we just stand there without an answer. We lost you after “cookie” kid!
Last time at dinner, conversation was about Elephant Poo. “Do you think the Elephant poops this much?” A1 shows the size of a pile, “Or this much?” she show’s a bigger pile. Jack answers “Thiiiiiiiiis muuuuuuuuch!” even A2 was participating to the conversation, after all it was mostly sign language, and poo is a word she knows well.
Poo is a word we know well too. You expect to have to deal with poop when becoming a parent, but no one tells you that it will end up in your hair, on your face and under your socks at least once at some point of the process. You better wish it happens sooner than later, because the older they get, the more real their poop gets. When they’re new born and only drink milk, it barely qualifies as poop, it’s more like mud. It doesn’t even smell all that bad. But when they’re all food group eating toddlers….ooof!
I remember, a long time ago, when my grandmother was changing my bratty little brother’s poopy diaper, he wouldn’t stay put. Poor woman was left in sweats by the time she managed to get him cleaned up. She grabbed a wipe to wipe her face only to realize she had just used the dirty poopy wipe on her face.
I was 8, I laughed so hard not knowing life had similar plans reserved for me…
If someone’s ever scared you by running after you with a Kleenex containing a squished spider, a dirty diaper filled with stinking, hot S&*% is good payback.
Well, I just spent 260 words talking about crap. That’s why blogs are so great, anything goes!
I think next time I’ll write about farts. Oh! So much to say!
Kids are asleep and Jack’s watching the game.
This morning when I changed A3’s diaper, half a pretzel came out of it. How did it get there? Probably A2’s doing. I felt really bad, imagine spending the night with a sharp edged piece of Pretzel in your underwear.
I’ve had my loved ones worry about me after the last post Face your fears and look inside. There’s nothing to worry about, I think I’m on the right track by being conscious of it all. It being how I feel, what I think…
We’re all pretty fragile if you think about it. What are emotions? Emotions are a direct result of non-other than chemistry, hormones and neurotransmitters …
“It’s normal, you just had three kids”
Yes it’s normal that my body is out of balance and that it leaves me feeling anxious, and out of my usual self. It might be normal, but I don’t want it. I want to be in control of my own emotions and feelings.
I better learn to do what I need to do before menopause comes along with 5 times more chemical imbalances and makes me go completely insane for good. If you’ve ever felt cranky or moody because of your period cycle, because you’ve been overworked or because of lack of sleep, then you’re in the exact same boat as me, letting your body influence your mood.
Since men naturally don’t experience many drastic hormonal shifts in their life time, they are more stable in this perspective. I look at Jack, and seems like all he needs to relax and unwind is watching a good game of Hockey.
We went to a game last Saturday; it practically felt like a religious gathering. 21 273 people gathered, uniting their thoughts and positive energy towards the same goal and chanting is unison… If Hockey matters to these people as much as is matters to Jack, then it practically is a religion. In the end isn’t it the role of religion to bring beings to peace, tame their worries and bring them closer together?
This is what I was thinking about during the game… then I started staring at the building’s structure and started to worry about its stability and where we should head in case of an emergency…
Do we ever stop worrying?!
All this to say, I am now conscious of the effect of physical life events on my inner self and I want to gain full control of it. I want to be who I am no matter what hormonal phase of my life I’m in, no matter how much sleep I’ve had and no matter how much stress this life throws my way.
How? Not sure yet …
But I’ll find a way.
P.S A great win for our team tonight. Extra yey for me!
After a very long day, kids finally asleep, sunken deep into the basement couch, we realize we forgot to bring down the baby monitor. Who’s going to go get it?
I am. Be right back.
You can’t really argue over this one… every moment that passes counts. What if baby’s crying and we can’t hear her because we’re wasting time arguing about who’s going to go upstairs to get the monitor. Now that I did this one, he’ll have to do the next thing that comes up. With 3 kids in the house anything could come up any time.
Later when the washer stops I’ll ask him to empty the washer into the dryer. Last time he did, I heard him yell from the washroom “For once I’d like to open the washer and find MY clothes in there!”
It’s true, it’s never his laundry. It’s always the girls’ pink laundry.
Jack’s yelling at the TV again. Good thing I’ve got this blog. What else would I be doing while he watches the game?
What do the wives and girlfriends of the world do while the guys are watching the game? I’m sure some really enjoy it and others only pretend… Let’s not go there.
Well a confident woman doesn’t need to pretend about anything. Life is too short to pretend anything. We should focus on being real. Reality has become a rarity and it’s sad.
So our deal is I blog while he watches the game. That’s why I hope our team goes to the playoffs.
From laundry, to pretending, to hockey. “You need more structure in your texts” someone once told me.
I need more structure in my head!
This is exactly how thoughts go through my mind, I go from topic to topic and it’s exhausting. If I’m exhausting myself with my thoughts imagine how it must be for Jack to hear me talk about everything that I’m thinking about. This kind of thought process combined with decreased memory is a complete disaster.
It’s all good with Jack as long as it’s not during the game.
It’s easy to keep a man happy.
Ouf! Big statement I just made there and I stand by it. Most men are clear about what they want and don’t want. Now whether or not we have the will to allow it…well that’s another thing.
Note I wrote “Most men”. I know a few men who seem pretty complicated from my point of view…
Games over, home team lost…
Got to go.
Time has come for me to make changes in my current daily life. I don’t eat enough, I stress too much, I am insomniac, partly because of the kids but mostly because of my thoughts that don’t stop and keep me awake all through the night! I’m in such lack of sleep that I have a constant shake in my hands and my left eye is twitching, not any kind of twitch, a really strong one…it looks like I’m winking at everybody and everything. This needs to stop, before I get new problems…wink wink
“What are you stressing about?”
I’ve realized that I’ve been stressing for the past 4 months ever since A3’s been born. It’s time for me to take back control of my health. I want to be healthy, and take care of my family for a long long time.
I’ve learned quit a bit about myself lately. I thought of myself as a laid back, no stress, take it as it comes, go with the flow kind of person. And I was, but not lately. Lately I’m always thinking and I’m always worried. I have to relax and learn to take things as they come, like I use to.
Sometimes I think that I was wiser when I was younger. The older I get the more the hormones and the stress get to me. I can’t let them win!
Today, is day one of Operation get the real Julie back.
Lately I’ve been over thinking things, I don’t know how yet, but this must stop. I guess admitting I have a problem is the first step? I’ve been skipping meals, ever since A3’s been born I’ve gone full days without anything to eat… and then I wonder why my breast milk supply ended.
No more excuses! Yes I have 3 kids but it was my choice and I can’t use them as an excuse to not be healthy! ( Well, not really by choice…by luck…if you know what I mean)
3 meals a day from now on!
Spring is here, I need to get out and get moving.
And for the over thinking and anxiety… maybe I should pick up meditation? I’ve tried it a few times, at home with an online video… a bit scary at first for an over imaginative mind like mine, but definitely effective.
Now that I’ve put this action plan out in public, I can’t go back on my word. (Hopefully)
And just maybe, after all of this…I’ll have the energy to keep my house organized. But that’s a long shot!
Sometimes it takes me a long time to figure out something about myself. Once I do, I realize that I unconsciously already knew what I just figured out, and not only that, but have already moved towards the path I just figured out I should take.
Right now you’re either thinking “Happens to me all the time” or “This girl’s out of her mind”.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, mind you I’m always thinking. My head doesn’t stop, I’m constantly thinking…about everything. What could’ve I done better today to be a better person, to be a better parent, to be a better wife. What should I do next, how can I be happier in life, how can I achieve more. When I wake up in the middle of the night for baby’s feedings, I sit on the rocking chair with A3. I feed her and rock her back to sleep, all the while…I think.
I think a lot, but I like to think that I do a lot too. If you only knew what I’ve done this week…
The Cancer Fundraiser that I organized took place last Saturday. It was a real success only because of a great response from people. I have 3 kids and no time to sleep or eat, but I made time for this event because the cause is very important to me. 3 kids or 10, it doesn’t matter…I hope to do a fundraiser every year as I have for the past 5 years.
Since the event passed, I was supposed to rest. Rest? It doesn’t seem to be in my blood. I’m always up to something. Always.
I dream big, and I attack my dreams full force. Sometimes they’re good ideas, sometimes they’re bad ones. But no matter what it is I’m doing or trying to do, my mentality is that there’s no wrong in trying. Dream big, go ahead, try it, what’s the worst that’s going to happen? Someone who tries has a better chance at success than someone who doesn’t, right ?
If you don’t take any chances, how can you know what your full potential is? It’s easy to be comfortable, it’s harder to try something new and explore the unknown. Let’s take this blog for example. I didn’t know what a blog was and I was frankly scared of the idea. Today after almost 2 months I have over 4000 views. (I don’t even know if that’s considered a little or a lot in this blogging world) but it was unknown, new and uncomfortable at first , but I did it anyways. ( Surely this is a minor example, but you get the point)
If you only knew what I did today…Jack doesn’t even know…he’s going to be so mad.
If I end the post like this I’m going to hear it from my friend (spa girl). She complains to me if my posts don’t make her laugh. She read “Nothing here” (2 posts back) and told me “I didn’t like it, it didn’t make me laugh! Hurry and write another one” I tasked her” and what was the title of that post?” She replied “Nothing here!” so there!
One thing I love about spa girl, is that she always speaks her mind. So I actually get real feedback from her.
I write what I’m thinking, I can’t always be funny. But I will always be real.
See some bloggers write about things to attract an audience. I don’t want to do that. I want to write whatever I want and whoever wants can stay and read. We’ll see who’s with me til the end. I started a blog and since then have wondered its purpose. I still am not sure of it but it’s definitely multi-faceted.
Don’t worry I’ll still fill you in on the mommy side of things .
For example, I googled “green breast milk” last week. Not for the fun of it, but because it was actually green! Apparently it’s normal and it means there’s not a lot of fat in it. Lately I’ve also googled “abundant perspiration after pregnancy” again, not for the fun of it… I learned that it’s normal for women to perspire more than usual several weeks after pregnancy and longer if they are breast feeding. If I knew this it would’ve saved me lots of trouble and worry. Another thing I googled “Hair in baby’s eye”. If it happens to your baby, don’t panic, it will eventually come out on its own.
I’m a mommy of 3 trying to blog about real life and how to make the best of it.
Took me 2 months to figure this much out.
Who knows what another 2 months can bring.
I haven’t blogged in a few days and it’s been bothering me.
This is not working. Every time something happens I try to memorize it so that I can later write it in my journal. When I eventually have some time I try to read my journal (whatever I had time to write) so that I can blog about it. Since no there’s way I have time to do all that, I’m going to have to say goodbye to my notebook.
Aha! Did you think I was going to say “the Blog “just there? Well since I don’t want that to happen, I’m getting get rid of the notebook and I’m going to keep writing what I’m thinking in the moment.
Sunday night, I joined some friends at a Super Bowl party after the kid’s bed time. On my way home I almost got into a bad car accident. The reason was simply that I was thinking about a million things at the same time, and therefore was distracted.
I’m usually good at finding fun ways to manage the kids and keeping my stress level down, but recently, after having baby # 3 I must admit it’s been a challenge. I really need to make some adjustments in order to come back to my usual self. There’s only so much I can do with the kids and the chaos but there’s a lot I can do with myself. I guess this blog can be the first step by giving me a way to vent.
(To be continued)