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Tag Archives: parenting
There was a time in my life when 5:52 am meant coming home after a night if partying.
5:52 am today is : I’ve only gotten a couple hours of sleep, just gave A2 fever medication and I’m up thinking about what the heck I’m going to make for them to eat tomorrow considering my fridge is empty. I’m going to have to pull out my Macgyver cooking skills and make full meals out of nothing.
I remember rushing home to make it before 6 am because past 6 am was considered really bad. I remember swiftly unlocking the door so that I wouldn’t wake my parents. But they were up , every single time. Up and oh so mad. Thinking back, I didn’t even realize that I was worrying them, all I perceived was anger and all I cared about was how long they were going to yell at me for it and wether or not they would still be
mad at me the next day.
Oh god, if I gave my parents so much to worry about Karma’s going to take good care of me with 3 daughters.
I would much rather be up at 6 am worrying about details knowing that my children are right here , instead of being up worrying about when they’re going to get home…
I’m suddenly happy with this Monday morning 6:08.
Dear Mom and dad sorry for all the worry I put you through.
Dear karma please go easy on me.
After all, It’s not like my boyfriend got me pregnant before marriage…
3:37 am . I’m lying in bed wide awake. What’s the problem? My mind. It’s racing and thinking of anything it can think of, calculating, planning, organizing… I can’t get it to stop! Usually when I’m this way in the middle of the night I get
up and go for a hot shower, I clear my thoughts relax and come back to bed. But today, even in the shower, I was just standing there, thinking and thinking!
A3’s crying, gotta go.
Ok I’m back. 13 month old A3 still wakes up several times a night, when I went into her room she was sitting In her bed and was startled when I walked in. I was trying to be quiet to not wake the other two but I should’ve given her a heads up, next time I’ll wiggle the doorknob or something. I scared the poor thing !
The other day, I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom , on my way past the mirror, I stopped and got really up close to it, checking out the evolution of my acne when suddenly I see, in the reflection, a small shadow standing in the doorway . My heart stopped I turned, it was A1 just standing there, “The Ring” style, with some her hair in front of her face.
” Mommy? what are you doing?” She gently asked.
What am I doing? What are YOU doing!?
She just needed to use the bathroom.
My heart was still beating fast even several minutes after the fact!
Poor A3 , I just did the same thing to her and just out of the shower too, with wet hair! She hardly ever sees me with wet hair… I picked her up and hugged and kissed her, I couldn’t just put her back to sleep like I usually do, this was my apology. I decided to change her diaper, I usually don’t change diapers in the night because that tends to wake them up more, but she deserved this one. The whole time she was starring straight into my eyes. Sometimes I feel like she can see into my soul. Has it ever happened to you to be stated at by a child, in a bus or grocery store? They just lock eyes with you and don’t let you go. I decided to put on a smile , and when I did , she did too. I’m so blessed to have little angels smile at me in the middle of the night. Little angels with mismatched socks.
Which reminds me , I forgot to put the laundry in the dryer again!
I put her back in bed, then went in to check on the others. My blissful rounds, I go in and caress their faces and backs so that they can feel my presence. Jack taught me this. “Let them feel you in their sleep, let them know you’re there ” he said once and I do it every night ever since.
Sure I’ve got a million things to think about but I’ll just have to make time to think another time. My mind is not racing anymore. I’m just here, in this moment, with my family.
Now , I can sleep.
Sunday night, kids are finally in bed and Jack just finished watching the game. I just finished picking up some of the stuff and prepped for tomorrow morning. The house is not too chaotic but it’s still pretty bad, there’s stuff everywhere. This is the way were most functional. When people come over we pull an illusion stunt where nothing appears to the naked eye and the house looks clean, but in reality, everything is hidden. We take all of the laundry baskets and hide them in our closet. When I say laundry baskets, I’m not talking about one, two or even three. Right this moment there are six or seven laundry baskets full of clean clothes that need to be sorted, folded and put away. We’ve run out of actual baskets and started using empty diaper boxes.
Why am I telling you this? I don’t know, maybe so you can stress less when you see your own piles of unfolded laundry.
I’m sitting in the living room, looking at 2/3 of our Christmas tree. This year we decided to only put up 2 out of 3 parts up.
Jack’s arguing with me right now… something about diapers in the trash, and tomorrow being garbage day… and “you know it will stink if it stays there the whole week…” I don’t even know what he’s talking about… I just say “Sorry babe, you’re right” and all of my problems disappear.
I’m not just saying… he’s probably right for real…I’ve learned to be more than open towards that possibility. Jack and I argue a lot, we fight to the death. We can scream and shout, anything it takes to express ourselves, but our arguments never have any consequences. By no consequences I mean, after we’re done arguing we don’t treat each other any different than when we haven’t argued.
He’s back…arguing again…jeez! What is it this time… the habs must’ve lost, he needs emotional support. A man after a bad game is like a girl that’s PMS-ing.
Again, no consequence arguing, that means you argue, then resume to your normal relationship. No grudges, no resentment, no bitterness, no drama and no time apart! It’s great to know that you can fully express yourself without it affecting the relationship. It’s happened once that we we’re deciding on which movie to download to watch the same night, during the decision process we got into one of these fights… I don’t remember what it was about but I just know we we’re yelling, cutting each other off, using the words “ you always” (which is the worst thing you can do) basically it was pretty bad until Jack yelled “STOP!” then said “ Can we choose the movie first and continue the argument later, so that the movie can at least start loading.” So I sat down and we normally conversed about the movie we wanted to watch, he clicked the Download button and then said “Ok, continue” and we started fighting again. And when it was over, we watched the movie.
It’s normal to argue, a relationship is never easy, so why make it harder with consequences. If I went straight to bed after each argument and he stayed up alone watching TV, the argument would’ve had doubled its negative impact.
It’s hard at first and you do have to swallow some of your pride, but it’s well worth it.
-“You’re an idiot! Did you know that?!?!”
-“Yes, now come and give this idiot a kiss”
Be caring, be forgiving, be happy.
Kids are asleep and Jack is out for the night. I can’t sit in the TV room because I had the couches washed today and they’re still wet. The couches were in dire need of a wash, so is the rest of the house and each of us for that matter. So since I can’t sit in the family room I’m in the living room with my laptop. I tried watching shows but nothing can keep my attention or interest. In times like these I always end up looking at family pictures. I take many pictures, non-stop, all the time. Whenever something happens I run for the camera, “Again, the tourist!” complains Jack. But then, a few months later when I sit him down and show him the pictures and some of the video footage I have, his heart melts and he thanks me for recording all of it.
Earlier when I was watching pictures from last year’s summer, I realized how the children had grown in such little time. I realized how much things have changed from one year to another. I realized it’s all right here in front of me, everything I could ever want, and everything I could ever wish for. Life is just unfolding and all I have to do is take it in and enjoy. How could I have been anxious, stressed or nervous? How could I have been distracted by petty little problems? How could I have let outside circumstances affect my mood, when all that matters is booming right in front of my eyes?
I had a hard week, filled with all kinds of emotions. Now, I feel guilty and filled with regrets. I realize that I wasted my time feeling that way. I shouldn’t have let these circumstances affect me. I’m stronger than this. Nobody is going to give me my week back, it’s forever gone. How much more time are we going to waste on bad feelings and resentment. Every moment we spend feeling oppressed, jealous, sad or mad, is a lost moment. To be happy is our one true life purpose and everyday away from happiness is one more day without a purpose.
So how do we get to our happy place? We’ve talked about this before. Start with gratitude, it doesn’t do the whole job but it definitely sets you up for it. I’ll start. I am grateful for this lesson, for now I will try to waste less time away from happy, no matter what the circumstance. Happiness comes from within, and therefor can never really be lost.
I’m trying to be positive, but it’s not working right now. I’m sitting in front of the lap top that I had to fight for! We put the kids to bed and by the time I made it down the stairs, I realized Jack was already in the basement watching the recorded game. The kids were still yelling, the kitchen floor was covered in food and the family room looked like three kids had gone wild in it five minutes ago.
I took a look around and realized the bag of chips was missing along with the laptop. Jack was probably all set up downstairs, watching the game and checking his hockey pool with one hand, with the other hand buried deep in that bag of chips.
When I finally made it to the basement I had to wrestle him for the laptop. As soon as I sit down to start a post, we hear A3 in the baby monitor. Now the silent argument starts. Who’s going to get up? We stare each other down, we’re both mentally cursing at each other. I got up. Went upstairs to find A3 rolled up in her blanket, holding the crib bars while looking out of them, like some kind of sad prisoner. We know the drill by now. Pull the crib forward of an inch, hear the pacifier fall, lie down flat on the floor, tap in all directions to feel the thing, grab it, rinse it, stick it back into her mouth until next time. I go to check on A1 and A2, A1 is asleep and A2 is standing in her crib. “I pooped in my diaper” she said. I know she didn’t poo, because if she did, let’s just say, you can’t miss it! A two year old eats, drinks and poops normally, if you know what I mean. Now, I’m not sure why she says that she pooped, does she confuse pee for poo? Or does she know we’ll definitely change her if its poo and that will give her a chance to escape the crib. I check her diaper, no poo. “It’s not poo, its peepee ” I tell her. “Go back to bed”. You wouldn’t imagine the number of times you say the words “peepee” and “Poopoo” in one day, when you have kids.
I come back downstairs, the moment I sit down, we hear A2 crying through the monitor and now she’s woken A3 up again. “Your turn Jack”. Jack goes upstairs and 5 seconds later I hear him calling for me through the monitor. I go upstairs to find him changing A2’s diaper…she got him. I go attend to A3, while I hear A2 arguing with her father “I want mom!”. Jack and I switch positions. I take A2 back to her crib.
A2: “The sun’s sleeping?”
A2: “I want to see”
So I take her towards the window and as I do I see the biggest smile on her face. She’s just happy she’s not heading to the crib. I show her the moon; explain to her that the sun is sleeping and that she should too… back to her crib.
A2: “But I didn’t wave goodbye to the cats”
ME: “Not this time! No cat! No shmat! You’re going to bed”
A2: “Ok then, I want another milk”
As I leave A2’s room, I see Jack leaving A3’s room.
“She throws away the pacifier while looking into my eyes! She playing with me man! She doesn’t take me seriously! “
He’s talking about his 10 month old daughter. Imagine what will happen when she turns 15.
We come back downstairs, and 2 minutes later, A3’s crying again. Who’s turn is it now? We figure, we should to let her cry for a bit, she has to learn. 5 minutes later, Jack can’t take it anymore and he gets up.
I’m watching him right now through the monitor, he did the pacifier routine, and now he’s stroking her hair while gently talking to her.
He went up, and it wasn’t necessarily his turn, to me, this is romance.
Sure it’s hard with three kids, we don’t get a moment to ourselves, they drive us up the walls and we empty our anger on each other. But once in a while a little gesture is all it takes to show each other, that after all, we’re on the same team.
She’s still crying, I better go up there and give him a hand.
The game and the blog will have to wait.
Today, A2 came home from day care with two really large tomatoes. She had picked them herself from the daycare’s teacher’s garden. I can just imagine the fit she threw in order for them to let her pick them. She comes home and orders me “open !”.
I just had time to wash them when she grabbed one of them and sunk her teeth in them. She has my teeth… That means she can do a lot of damage.
Her face was covered in that tomatoes juices, it was dripping down to her chin and into her shirt. That’s how food ends up in our children’s diapers. You open up their diapers and find out what they’ve eaten that day. I’m not talking about the poop, I’m talking about the food you find, as is. It’s like a buffet it there .
After she was done with that identity challenged fruit or vegetable , the house was covered in tomato juice and seeds. Me and my mom were walking around the house with rags in our hands looking for tomato crime scenes.
Sometimes there was even a blood trail leading up to the scene.
Once we got her face, the stairs, the carpet and the couches all cleaned up me and my mom were sitting and laughing at it all, when my mom said to me” wipe you nose, you have something.”
I must admit I didn’t go for a tissue and went straight for it.
It, was a tomato seed.
It’s 8 am and I didn’t sleep for more than 45 minutes straight tonight. It was one of these nights where A3’s regular every two hour feedings woke up A2 who threw a fit and woke up A1. At about 3:40 am this morning all three were crying.
Yes A3 is 8 months old and still wakes up every two hours. How come? I don’t know. To make sure I’m a sleepless mother of three. A2 wasn’t like this. Each child is completely different. The way they eat or sleep has really nothing to do with the way you raise them. I’ve raised all three the same, yet A1 won’t eat anything unless you are very persuasive or the food is pink while A2 will steal your sandwich if you look away, like some kind of starving seagull.
Exhausted to the core, I’ve never been this tired in my entire life. I’ll rest when I’m old, I figure. They’re bound to grow up, eat, drink and poop on their own…I suppose. How do moms do it? We just do it! We don’t think about it too much, we just do what needs to be done. It is completely useless to sulk on the negative and concentrate on your fatigue. The more you think about it, the more of a presence it has in your life. I try to take it like a one shot super long shift of a job that I love.
The worst is when you’re sick. Nausea? Vomiting? Diarrhea? Nope! Can’t call in sick for this job. You just gotta keep doing what you’re doing and tough it out. Sit on that toilet and tell a story at the same time! Hold back your nausea while feeding them and if you get really dizzy push a few toys off the couch, lie down and call out their names one by one just to make sure that one of them hasn’t figured out a way to open the front door and isn’t already playing in your garbage that’s out on the street.
Take a guess!! Which one do you think did that…A2 of course!
We’re on vacation. Finally found a way to access the Internet . Technologically challenged remember..
I do have many many stories to tell, a lot can happen crammed into a van with three kids, heading to a wedding in New Jersey . The wedding? Oh ya it was great, the two out of three had a fever , my dress ripped down the middle and someone asked me when I was due!
All this said, I promised myself I wasn’t gona blog while I was on vacation. It’s good to disconnect once in a while. Will be back shortly.
Wishing all of you a great construction week .
Its Saturday 1pm, A2’s crying hysterically standing in her crib. She has to nap so I can catch up with the things I need to do. Maybe if I’m lucky and the stars align I can sneak in a little nap or even a shower? There’s nothing wrong with being hopeful.
I just need her to nap so that I can at least catch up to the mess they’ve done. A2’s new favorite hobby is to empty drawers and closets onto the floor. Thank goodness she’s gotten over her habits involving toilet water…
I go into her room, she’s crying and has got her arms out for me… they do that just to melt your heart.
Me: Do you want to sleep with the teddy bear?
Me: Do you want to sleep with the rabbit?
I’m going around the room at thins point, grabbing each stuffed animal I see and showcasing it like a price is right model as I ask her..
“Do you want to sleep with the Pony?”
We went through the monkey, hello kitty, Whinny the Pooh, who are all sitting on the night stand.
No, No, No.
I get mad,
at the stuffed animals.
“Quick! Go to sleep! All of you! Everyone’s heads down!”
Sounded like a hold-up.
And I put all the stuffed animals heads down.
“ Look at how A2 is sleeping quietly, I want you all to do the same as her! You’re all gona drink your milks and then sleep just like A2!”
A2 followed and put her head down.
She’s looking at me with a big smile on her face, so proud to be in charge. She glanced over at the collection of stuffed animals who are all lying down, and points her index finger at them, then put her head down and went to sleep.
I think she meant “I got my eye on you guys”.
And I left the room.
Kids sleep with light on. Why?
When they’re very young they’re not even afraid of the dark yet. And it’s not like the young ones are getting up to go to the bathroom at night or anything. Why do they sleep with the light on?
The real reason kids sleep with some light on is so that you can see them well when you watch them seep.
So you can clearly see them and wonder where the heck they came from?
So you can clearly see their features and wonder, who exactly do they look like?
So you can clearly see how tall they’ve gotten and wonder where time went?
So you can stand there staring at them wondering how you ever kept busy before having children and wonder what the heck you’ll do to keep busy once they’re all grown up.
They’ll grow up and never truly understand or return the love.
Until they have their own. Then, they’ll understand how they’ve been loved, they will love and their children will do the same to them.
Water flows down, just as love flows down from one generation to the other.
So when your toddler or baby is calling for you…no matter how tired you are, no matter what time of the night it is and no matter how many times you’ve already gotten up…embrace it. Enjoy it. Soon enough, they’ll stop calling.
Graduation season makes us realize how fast time is flying by. You start seeing time in a different perspective once you have kids. They’re a great reminder of “Be in the moment” and “enjoy it”.
Kids and pets will constantly remind you to be in the moment.
And it’s truly to our advantage to be, the past is gone and the future is still just a thought, so unless you want to live in imaginary world the now is the only choice you have.
Live in the now..bla bla bla, we’ve all heard it before. But are we listening…no. What are we waiting for?
I’ve been making huge efforts lately to be in the now. It’s not easy. I’m constantly overwhelmed with 3000 thoughts at a time and to ignore it all to feel the moment is hard, but oh so worth it.
When I have trouble concentrating I imagine the moment in a bigger perspective. Kind of hard to explain, I just tried phrasing an explanation five times. It’s not working.
I’ll have to take some time and write a different post about the moment in a bigger perspective.