3:37 am to 4:24 am.

3:37 am . I’m lying in bed wide awake. What’s the problem? My mind. It’s racing and thinking of anything it can think of, calculating, planning, organizing… I can’t get it to stop! Usually when I’m this way in the middle of the night I get
up and go for a hot shower, I clear my thoughts relax and come back to bed. But today, even in the shower, I was just standing there, thinking and thinking!
A3’s crying, gotta go.

Ok I’m back. 13 month old A3 still wakes up several times a night, when I went into her room she was sitting In her bed and was startled when I walked in. I was trying to be quiet to not wake the other two but I should’ve given her a heads up, next time I’ll wiggle the doorknob or something. I scared the poor thing !
The other day, I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom , on my way past the mirror, I stopped and got really up close to it, checking out the evolution of my acne when suddenly I see, in the reflection, a small shadow standing in the doorway . My heart stopped I turned, it was A1 just standing there, “The Ring” style, with some her hair in front of her face.
” Mommy? what are you doing?” She gently asked.
What am I doing? What are YOU doing!?
She just needed to use the bathroom.
My heart was still beating fast even several minutes after the fact!
Poor A3 , I just did the same thing to her and just out of the shower too, with wet hair! She hardly ever sees me with wet hair… I picked her up and hugged and kissed her, I couldn’t just put her back to sleep like I usually do, this was my apology. I decided to change her diaper, I usually don’t change diapers in the night because that tends to wake them up more, but she deserved this one. The whole time she was starring straight into my eyes. Sometimes I feel like she can see into my soul. Has it ever happened to you to be stated at by a child, in a bus or grocery store? They just lock eyes with you and don’t let you go. I decided to put on a smile , and when I did , she did too. I’m so blessed to have little angels smile at me in the middle of the night. Little angels with mismatched socks.
Which reminds me , I forgot to put the laundry in the dryer again!
I put her back in bed, then went in to check on the others. My blissful rounds, I go in and caress their faces and backs so that they can feel my presence. Jack taught me this. “Let them feel you in their sleep, let them know you’re there ” he said once and I do it every night ever since.
Sure I’ve got a million things to think about but I’ll just have to make time to think another time. My mind is not racing anymore. I’m just here, in this moment, with my family.
Now , I can sleep.
Goodnight.

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