Monthly Archives: October 2013
I’m trying to be positive, but it’s not working right now. I’m sitting in front of the lap top that I had to fight for! We put the kids to bed and by the time I made it down the stairs, I realized Jack was already in the basement watching the recorded game. The kids were still yelling, the kitchen floor was covered in food and the family room looked like three kids had gone wild in it five minutes ago.
I took a look around and realized the bag of chips was missing along with the laptop. Jack was probably all set up downstairs, watching the game and checking his hockey pool with one hand, with the other hand buried deep in that bag of chips.
When I finally made it to the basement I had to wrestle him for the laptop. As soon as I sit down to start a post, we hear A3 in the baby monitor. Now the silent argument starts. Who’s going to get up? We stare each other down, we’re both mentally cursing at each other. I got up. Went upstairs to find A3 rolled up in her blanket, holding the crib bars while looking out of them, like some kind of sad prisoner. We know the drill by now. Pull the crib forward of an inch, hear the pacifier fall, lie down flat on the floor, tap in all directions to feel the thing, grab it, rinse it, stick it back into her mouth until next time. I go to check on A1 and A2, A1 is asleep and A2 is standing in her crib. “I pooped in my diaper” she said. I know she didn’t poo, because if she did, let’s just say, you can’t miss it! A two year old eats, drinks and poops normally, if you know what I mean. Now, I’m not sure why she says that she pooped, does she confuse pee for poo? Or does she know we’ll definitely change her if its poo and that will give her a chance to escape the crib. I check her diaper, no poo. “It’s not poo, its peepee ” I tell her. “Go back to bed”. You wouldn’t imagine the number of times you say the words “peepee” and “Poopoo” in one day, when you have kids.
I come back downstairs, the moment I sit down, we hear A2 crying through the monitor and now she’s woken A3 up again. “Your turn Jack”. Jack goes upstairs and 5 seconds later I hear him calling for me through the monitor. I go upstairs to find him changing A2’s diaper…she got him. I go attend to A3, while I hear A2 arguing with her father “I want mom!”. Jack and I switch positions. I take A2 back to her crib.
A2: “The sun’s sleeping?”
A2: “I want to see”
So I take her towards the window and as I do I see the biggest smile on her face. She’s just happy she’s not heading to the crib. I show her the moon; explain to her that the sun is sleeping and that she should too… back to her crib.
A2: “But I didn’t wave goodbye to the cats”
ME: “Not this time! No cat! No shmat! You’re going to bed”
A2: “Ok then, I want another milk”
As I leave A2’s room, I see Jack leaving A3’s room.
“She throws away the pacifier while looking into my eyes! She playing with me man! She doesn’t take me seriously! “
He’s talking about his 10 month old daughter. Imagine what will happen when she turns 15.
We come back downstairs, and 2 minutes later, A3’s crying again. Who’s turn is it now? We figure, we should to let her cry for a bit, she has to learn. 5 minutes later, Jack can’t take it anymore and he gets up.
I’m watching him right now through the monitor, he did the pacifier routine, and now he’s stroking her hair while gently talking to her.
He went up, and it wasn’t necessarily his turn, to me, this is romance.
Sure it’s hard with three kids, we don’t get a moment to ourselves, they drive us up the walls and we empty our anger on each other. But once in a while a little gesture is all it takes to show each other, that after all, we’re on the same team.
She’s still crying, I better go up there and give him a hand.
The game and the blog will have to wait.
Sitting here at the unclehood studios and I just realized that this is their website launch event. Wow, what an honour to witness this.
Life is teaching us a lesson in every moment. Today I learned that the only way to be loved is to love.
I was barricaded in my glass home, and could see a masked gunman getting out of his car walking towards me. Somehow I knew who he was and why I was his target. I ran to the back of the house and handed my two year old son to a neighbour and watched as he was dragged away kicking and screaming with his arms reaching out to me. My heart shattered, for I knew this would be the last time I saw him. My body was overwhelmed in a sense of panic; I could feel my heart rate racing and my breaths getting shorter.
Suddenly I wake up.
It was a dream.
For a brief instance, I did believe it all. I had a son who I loved and a gunman who I feared. They were all real at the time. Everything that I base myself on to define reality was involved in this illusion. My senses wronged me, my memory failed me and my common sense was outright absent.
I realized all this when I woke up. Or else, I’d still believe it.
So what tells me that I’m not dreaming right now?
Who’s to say that right now is nothing but an illusion?
Quantum physics theorists state that matter as we know it does not exist. They compare “matter” to a hologram. According to them, a difference in vibrational frequencies is what differs the visible from the invisible, or the tangible from the intangible.
So basically, it is all an illusion. Kind of like my dream.
Real for now … until something else is reality.
Perhaps when we die, we wake up from this illusion into another dimension of reality, just like I woke up from my dream, back into this life.
My dream was my reality, while my reality was right there…sleeping. My dream and my life were both real, at the same time, in the same place, but in different dimensions.
Life is the same. The reality we seek is present, at all times. Except for now, this dimension is the one we perceive as our reality.
Heaven is here.
Hell is here.
Don’t worry so much. Just ride the wave. Someday, we’re going to wake up from this, and realize we had nothing to fear all along.
Perhaps, if someone had told me I was dreaming, while I was dreaming, I would’ve realized that whatever was happening was a creation of my subconscious mind. Perhaps, if I were aware that I was dreaming within the dream, I could focus, concentrate on my inner self and communicate with my real self. Basically just think to myself. Perhaps, if I realized that I, the I that I am, who is sleeping and dreaming of a glass house, a gunman and a son, perhaps I, could’ve changed the outcome of the dream.
Perhaps if I were conscious, I would have more control.
If life is an illusion, as these physicists claim, if life is a vibrational frequency, a reality within a parallel universe…then to me, it sounds exactly like a dream.
So how do I take control of this dream? Can I take control of this life?
Is the power of consciousness real? Is the power of the mindset real? How about the power of attraction?
This is where I am now, testing all this out, within myself.
I’ll let you know what happens…you know I always do.
Finally, a chance to sit down. Kids are asleep and Jack just turned on the PVR to watch the recorded game. It’s the first game of the season, opening ceremony and all, and while all the families dressed their children in jerseys and initiated them to the game… I forbid Jack to watch the game.
Don’t judge me just yet. You have to imagine a three kid chaos that has reached its daily peak around 7 pm. At that time A1 and A2 are literally wrestling and throwing themselves from the back of the sofa onto each other, while A3’s crawling backwards into the “ring”. I wouldn’t mind any of this if it was done in silence, but silence has gone extinct in this house, along with sleep and sanity.
I can’t have Jack leave me alone during that time and have him standing frozen in front of the TV. Plus after that there’s bath time, pyjamas and bedtime which is a total war zone!
The deal is, he records the game and watches it when they’re all asleep. He can relax, when I can relax. I think that’s a reasonable agreement.
I can feel many male readers thinking that they would never agree to these terms. Well, never say never!
The ceremony just started, the lights, the crowd, the music. I can feel Jack’s body language changing. He loves it. Now I feel bad for delaying it for him…
In my own defense, there’s no way he would’ve enjoyed it this much with that chaos.
And now they’re showing a video of the Team’s historic events, black and white images, strategic editing, deep voice narration and orchestra music. He just might cry.
I’m looking at his face trying to find a sign of emotion.
Nope. No crying.
Whenever I get emotional watching something, I hold back my tears until he looks at me and asks “are you crying?”, only then do I start crying. Just like whenever A2 gets hurt while playing in the basement, she’ll hold her emotions, slowly climbs up two flights of stairs to find me, and only then will start to cry.
All they want is affection. A hug, a kiss, a whisper. They constantly need to be reminded that they are loved. Just like us women.
Some men think that when they marry a woman, that alone should be enough for her to understand that she is loved. Yup, makes sense… But we need more than that. We need love, tenderness, care and the sooner men will understand the sooner their problems will end.
I’ve realized that showing affection solves most problems in a relationship. Not only with Jack, but it works wonders with the kids during their worst tantrums. Has it ever happened to you to get into a fight with a person you love, and smack in the middle of the fight, get an overwhelming feeling that makes you just want to forget about the whole thing and just hug the person? But we don’t. We hold on to our cause and keep the fight going.
Kids are the same way. So sometimes in the middle of arguments, tantrums or simply them acting up, all they really want is your love. Grab them, and give them a random, long, meaningful hug.
Love is the solution to most problems.
But love takes more efforts than anger.
Speaking of anger, I just found out what the final score is going to be. He’s still unaware of what’s coming. I’m going to have to do a lot of damage control.
Btw, my prediction for our Stanley Cup is 2016.