Tag Archives: baby

Stop Pretending: Truths about parenting

Baby asleep in mom’s arms, family of four on the beach, kids playing in snow while parent sip on hot chocolate, beautiful clean and organized baby rooms, dinner at the dining room table with the kids… All images that depict the family lives. Or should we say family lies?
In reality the baby’s screaming in his moms arms for the whole night because he has colics and all she can do is wait 10 weeks to 10 months for them to pass, she’s sleepless and hormone packed, her life has just taken a spin and nobody has warned her about any of this.
The family of four on the beach can’t afford to be there in the first place, they went through hell and back trying to pack diapers, formula, food, sand toys, toys, dvds and they are doomed because they forgot to bring the favourite blanket without which baby won’t sleep, mom and dad haven’t had a single moment to themselves, now on top of everything they have to make sure their children don’t eat sand or get sun burns, everyone got diarrhea, and the kids got fever, they visited most of the country’s clinics, and they swore never to take the kids on vacation again yet they’re going to try again every year…. But that one picture they took…. That one moment everything was under control… That’s the pic the whole world get’s to see. Where’s the picture of daddy carrying 8 bags , 4 towels and 2 life jackets, on the burning hot sand while mom pushes the stroller trough the sand shouting ” I think there are lawn chairs available way over there”.
And the kids playing in the snow… Playing for 2 minutes and a half while it took you 20 to dress them. The moment you sit down you’re child is knocking on the door ” snow touched my wrist” because snow will forever get between their glove and jacket sleeve and make you wish you never even bothered.
We don’t know all this until we know, we innocently look at catalogues and see beautiful baby rooms, take the time to set them up while we don’t know that the moment baby gets teeth they’re going to chew that expensive Wooden crib to it’s core, the bed sheets will never ever really match because of the times you are going to change them because of pee and poo stains , the three drawers in the set are not going to be enough and that darling room will look like a plastic bin warehouse by the time you’re done sorting out the 3-6 months, 6-12 months, 12-18 months an have to start all over once you realize that the tag really means nothing about the size and that you always have to eye it.
And dinner at the dining room table … Funny joke! The dining room table might as well be disassembled and stored away for the next 8 years, because the truth is you will be walking around behind them with their supper in your hand trying to get a spoonful through whenever they’re distracted enough. And if they happen to sit at the table there won’t be any room for you because they’ll bring half their toys along with them. If you’re one of those who thinks ” my kids won’t be like that” you’re going to be especially fun to watch as a parent.
It is how it is, and it would be much easier for moms to cope with all of this if they were warned about it .
Lets just stop pretending and just start being.
Be honest, be proud, be happy.

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Bed time: A mind war

It’s almost 9:30 pm. 23 month old A2 is standing up wailing in her crib. 5 year old A1 who shares the bedroom is narrating what’s happening and A3 just woke up by the chaos.

Beautiful.

It’s these moments that keep me in peace.

A2 just tossed her blanket and pacifier out of her crib again. I tried explaining to her that if she tosses them again, she won’t get them back… but we both know that she won’t sleep without them. So this is another mind game.

She threw them out, again, and she’s still crying. I tried taking them for a while. She cried… I held on to them for a few minutes then gave them back. That will work, I hoped.

Well it didn’t. She tossed them out within the same second and is still crying.

I went back to my chair without picking them up. And here I am. I’ve written about the chair before. I have a chair set up outside their bedroom, where I sit until they fall asleep. It’s been a while though. They’ve been good lately and didn’t require me to sit here until they fell asleep. But A2’s getting close to the crazy two’s and so I’m back here again.

It’s been a few minutes, I’m wondering if I should get up and hand her the pacifier and blanket just yet. Her cries are sounding more and more tiresome, with yawning intervals.

I got up and handed them to her, came back to my seat. I talked to her…I shouldn’t have talked to her.

She just threw them out again!

She wins this round, again.

Why don’t I just yell at her?

Because then I would teach her that yelling is a mean of communication that I use.

Because then she will fall asleep with fear having been her last emotion of the day.

Because then I would have put my child to bed in anger.

I’m hoping there’s a better solution.

I’ll figure it out…eventually.

This isn’t working.

A1 just suggested “call dad.”

Ya, call Jack and have him do the dirty work…

Ok one more try…

I tried the utter most tenderness. I went in, didn’t say a word picked her up, held her tight, kissed her, cleaned her face from tears, leaned down with her, she reached for her blanket and pacifier. I stood up, still not saying a word, I pointed to my cheek, she reached in and gave me a kiss. Then I pointed to her crib, placed her in. Sung her a lullaby and walked out.

Went back to my chair.

By the time my butt touched the seat …

She was already up and bawling again.

That was a complete fail.

Jack just came up. He gave it a go…

He tried tenderness, some discipline, yelled a little, played a little, danced a little…

Still a no go.

He leaves.

We should make them pay for tickets at this point, because we’ve become a show!

Ok I’m desperate; it’s been over 40 minutes. I know she’s tired.

I take out my phone and go online. Search for an Armenian Lullaby. I play it and go back to my seat.

She stopped.

This song is really beautiful.

She’s sleeping.

Unbelievable!

The power of music…

They’re sleeping in peace, no one got mad at another, no anger, no fear, no guilt.

Just love and music.

Ah… now that this is done, I should start with my chores… I’ll rest when I’m old.

Goodnight.

P.S Listen to this song, it will make any man, woman or child give in to slumber.

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A Happy Parenting Secret: How to deal with a toddler’s bed time tantrums.

Lately A2’s been throwing bed time tantrums. She’s almost 2 now. She decides she wants to go to bed, grabs her pacifier, blanket and bottle, does her rounds, says good night to everyone in the house, goes up the stairs and willing goes into her crib. All seems well … until we leave the room.

I’m sitting on a rocking chair, in the hallway, right outside A2’s bedroom where she can see me.

She’s standing up in her crib yelling. She just threw her pacifier, bottle and blanket out.

A2: “Mommmmmmmmmmy!”

Me: “Mommy’s here.”

I just got up, and handed her the pacifier and blanket. She reached out her arms “Please! Please!” and she’s crying really hard. I went back to my chair.

“Mommy’s here” is all I keep repeating.

I’m trying this technique I was taught when A1 was throwing bed time tantrums a few years ago. It worked back then with her, now I’m hoping it will work on A2.

I was told by a family member who is the principal of a daycare, to sit outside her room where she could see me. Make sure you’re not IN her room, she specified. So back then I set up the rocking chair outside A1’s room and I would sit there for 30 to 40 minutes every day until she fell asleep. I was pregnant with A2 then. I loved that time on that chair. If something needed to be done during the day I would leave it for “chair time”, I would fold the laundry, sow, even iron in that spot. Oh I just remembered how Jack would make me ginger tea for my nausea back then. And when I finished my chores, I would read. I’ve never read as much as I’ve read in this chair outside A1’s room.

Here I am, almost two years later, in the same spot.20130625-220158.jpg

It seems to have workedon A2. She’s not crying anymore, and she has her head down.

I love the chair time because you’re on duty but it’s still “me” time.  I’m so happy to be sitting here again. I guess this is where I’ll be blogging from now on.

Now that the Stanley Cup has been won and there’s no more Hockey I was worried about when I’ll have  the chance to blog…but everything worked out.

She’s fallen asleep.

Most of the time I question my parenting skills and wonder if I’m doing the right thing, but it feels so good when I know I’ve done something right.

I’m really happy to be on the chair again, I had forgotten how great it was.

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What’s on your night stand?

What's on your night stand?

Woke up to the smell of fresh S#%& this am.
These are the diapers we changed during the night.

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June 5, 2013 · 10:44 pm

6 Months Old Flapping Arm

We just put all of the kids to sleep.  Putting A3 to bed is starting to get tricky. She’s going to be 6 months soon  and her arms moves uncontrollably. At that age they have this weird arm flapping motion. At bed time their arm starts flapping as if they’re trying to whack a fly, they get all excited and then you can forget about them sleeping. Then as soon as that’s done with and they’re starting to dose off, they grab and pull their own ear or pull their own hair, wake themselves up and then cry as if someone else did it.

So you need to gently hold their arms down and try to find a comfortable position for them. Supposing baby is lying on the back, you can fold over the blanket under one arm and place the other arm on their tummy.

Once you control the arm situation, it’s all good… for a while, until they’re 7 months old and  then it’s something else!

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What was I saying? Doesn’t matter, no one’s listening. Game’s on.

Kids are asleep and Jack’s watching the game, perfect time to blog.

After 4 days of all the kids being home, the house looks like a war zone. The good thing about this is that if a robber breaks into our house he’ll think that this house has already been robbed. Everything is on the floor! Cleaning will have to be for another day because I’m beat!

This tiredness is unlike any other, it feels like finally getting home after a long trip and then having to do it all over again, right away without any rest, then again and again for months and months,  years and years…

“Take it day by day” I hear.

I’m trying, I’m learning to not think too far ahead, but it’s hard. I can’t help but worry about everything. I guess you’ve got to take it day by day for the sake of sanity alone. Kind of like a prison sentence I guess…

“Did she just call motherhood a prison sentence?!”

No, that can’t be right. They let you sleep in prison. Well, in this country anyways.

Lately, my memory is shot and worse than ever. It helps to have taken pictures of everything because it helps me remember what we did. Easter weekend, a lot of dressing up, we usually spend our weekends in pyjamas. Not this weekend! I’ll have to look at the pictures to know what we actually did. It’s scary how quickly we all forget everything. What did you have for lunch yesterday? Can you remember?

It doesn’t count! You remember because it was Easter and you were out.

What did you do Friday night?

Well ?

I sure don’t have a clue!

Maybe I’m the only one? Where am I going with this?

I have to move, Jack’s looking for the remote. Jack’s always looking for something. Where are my glasses?  Where are my dentures?  Where is my toothbrush?  You would think he’s an 80 year old man.

Jack just asked: Why are you laughing by yourself?

He looked over and saw I wrote “Dentures”.

Jack: What are you doing? Don’t write that!

Me:  (hiding the screen) Just let me write what I’m thinking before I forget, then I’ll let you read, and we’ll post it if it’s ok with you.

(If you can read all this it means he approves)

What was I saying? The good thing about a blog is that you can read back and know what you were saying. Let me look back.,,

Oh ya, dentures. He calls his mouth guard dentures. He sleeps with that thing because he grinds his teeth at night. A1 does too, in the worse kind of way. It sounds like she’s cracking candy with her teeth all night.

I’ve got to say, I can’t blame him for losing his toothbrush. A2 has a thing for toothbrushes, she’s attached to them just like some kids are attached to blankets or stuffed animals. We’ve bought her a few toothbrushes; she always has one with her but she keeps losing them. So we’re always looking for her toothbrushes.

Basically we’re all always looking for something. I sometimes find myself walking around the house looking for something, and having to stop because I can’t remember what I was looking for.

So when A2’s throwing a fit and I have to give her a toothbrush and can’t find any of hers I give her Jack’s.

Jack: Where’s my toothbrush?

Me: I’m not sure…maybe in the car?

Right this moment Jack’s getting mad at me because he’s been talking to me and it seems I wasn’t listening. I was busy writing about his toothbrush.

It’s ok, he does this to me all the time. Just earlier, while he was watching the game:

Jack: Where are my glasses?

Me: In our bedroom, behind the curtain of the middle window. Hello? Are you listening?

Jack nods while frozen standing in front of the TV : ya ya

Me: I just told you where your glasses are, you didn’t listen and now I’m going downstairs.

Jack: Wait! Where you going? I asked you where my glasses were?!

Me: Why do you ask a question if you’re not going to listen to the answer?

Jack: Huh? Leave me alone, I’m watching the game!

While he squints at the screen because he can’t see properly without his glasses.

Yesterday while we were driving home from somewhere…I don’t remember where, I would have to check the camera to remember. I asked Jack:

“What’s the most important thing a girl that doesn’t know anything about hockey, should know?”

His reply was something like this:

“First thing’s first. Names, teams, numbers, dates don’t matter. All she needs to know is not to bother the guy during the game. No talking, no arguments and especially no turning off the TV during the game!”

I did that once, I turned the TV off while he was watching the game. Not only that, I pulled the plug off the digital cable box so that it can take time to reload…yes…evil…I know.

We were newlyweds then, I’ve learned a lot since then. I would never do that today. I’ve learned to leave him alone during the game, and I wait for intermissions to talk to him. Unless he asks me where his glasses are!!

I mostly blog while he watches the game, this way I don’t bother him. Then at the commercials he starts talking to me and gets mad if I’m not listening…

Ok games over. We won. Jack will be in a good mood tonight.

Yey for me!

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