Tag Archives: tantrum

Bed time: A mind war

It’s almost 9:30 pm. 23 month old A2 is standing up wailing in her crib. 5 year old A1 who shares the bedroom is narrating what’s happening and A3 just woke up by the chaos.

Beautiful.

It’s these moments that keep me in peace.

A2 just tossed her blanket and pacifier out of her crib again. I tried explaining to her that if she tosses them again, she won’t get them back… but we both know that she won’t sleep without them. So this is another mind game.

She threw them out, again, and she’s still crying. I tried taking them for a while. She cried… I held on to them for a few minutes then gave them back. That will work, I hoped.

Well it didn’t. She tossed them out within the same second and is still crying.

I went back to my chair without picking them up. And here I am. I’ve written about the chair before. I have a chair set up outside their bedroom, where I sit until they fall asleep. It’s been a while though. They’ve been good lately and didn’t require me to sit here until they fell asleep. But A2’s getting close to the crazy two’s and so I’m back here again.

It’s been a few minutes, I’m wondering if I should get up and hand her the pacifier and blanket just yet. Her cries are sounding more and more tiresome, with yawning intervals.

I got up and handed them to her, came back to my seat. I talked to her…I shouldn’t have talked to her.

She just threw them out again!

She wins this round, again.

Why don’t I just yell at her?

Because then I would teach her that yelling is a mean of communication that I use.

Because then she will fall asleep with fear having been her last emotion of the day.

Because then I would have put my child to bed in anger.

I’m hoping there’s a better solution.

I’ll figure it out…eventually.

This isn’t working.

A1 just suggested “call dad.”

Ya, call Jack and have him do the dirty work…

Ok one more try…

I tried the utter most tenderness. I went in, didn’t say a word picked her up, held her tight, kissed her, cleaned her face from tears, leaned down with her, she reached for her blanket and pacifier. I stood up, still not saying a word, I pointed to my cheek, she reached in and gave me a kiss. Then I pointed to her crib, placed her in. Sung her a lullaby and walked out.

Went back to my chair.

By the time my butt touched the seat …

She was already up and bawling again.

That was a complete fail.

Jack just came up. He gave it a go…

He tried tenderness, some discipline, yelled a little, played a little, danced a little…

Still a no go.

He leaves.

We should make them pay for tickets at this point, because we’ve become a show!

Ok I’m desperate; it’s been over 40 minutes. I know she’s tired.

I take out my phone and go online. Search for an Armenian Lullaby. I play it and go back to my seat.

She stopped.

This song is really beautiful.

She’s sleeping.

Unbelievable!

The power of music…

They’re sleeping in peace, no one got mad at another, no anger, no fear, no guilt.

Just love and music.

Ah… now that this is done, I should start with my chores… I’ll rest when I’m old.

Goodnight.

P.S Listen to this song, it will make any man, woman or child give in to slumber.

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Reactive or Proactive?

Why are articles on parenting so boring?  Why doesn’t anyone get to the point?  A2 has thrown a couple of  tantrums, the nasty kinds, down on the floor. Don’t judge me. A1 has always been such a civilized child I never thought I could have this little monster on my hands.

So I was reading an article on this in a parenting magazine. We do all of our reading in the bathroom, we have to maximize our efficiency if you know what I mean (if you’re going to be in the bathroom might as well learn something in the meantime). I read pages about children throwing tantrums, so much information… development phases, statistics, probable causes…Get to the point! What should I do if my child is on the floor, on her back, kicking her legs and banging her head?

Experts have a list of adequate interventions depending on the reason of your child’s outburst.

  • Related to lack of control (reactive)
  • Related to lack of means of expression (proactive)

So if you find yourself in this situation, say, in the middle of a grocery store, you should ask yourself : Reactive or Proactive?

Sounds so realistic, doesn’t it ?

And then out come the lists.

If it’s the reactive type, experts will  tell you :

  • Reassure your child
  • Give more specific directives
  • Situate them in time and space
  • Do not just tell them what’s forbidden, but what is permitted as well

Ok! so… (guessing it’s the reactive type) according to this list, this is what we should say:

“Honey, I love you, you’re safe, please stop jiggling on the floor, gently get up, be quiet, hold my hand, we are in the super market, it’s the after noon, it is not allowed for you to throw yourself on the floor but it is allowed to walk by mommy’s side”

Ya…I don’t think so…thank you Mr. and Mrs. experts. Thank you for nothing.

Sometimes I feel like those articles and even some books about parenting are written just to be written. As if it was one expert talking to another.

Hello! We’re here!

I could be considered  as one of those experts (well on paper anyways), I’ve read about all this stuff,  it definitely  doesn’t mean I know exactly what to do in every scenario. I don’t appreciate  fancy phrases and lists to dictate what a parent should do in a specific case as if it’s something  so obvious.

I have studied this stuff and have 3 kids of my own and this article doesn’t help me out one bit, how is it suppose to help anyone else?  I wonder if any of these experts have truly been in that situation or any of the situations they talk about for that matter.

Now I’m all worked up.

I’ll tell you, if you find yourself in that situation, first of all don’t think about what other people are thinking. Don’t be embarrassed, they don’t matter. Focus on yourself and your child, do what you would’ve done if you were home. I personally just stand still next to my child with my back turned to her.Ignoring her, while  staying close to ensure her safety. I give her time to get it out of her system, after about 10 to 20 seconds I gently tend to her. I hold my arms open for her (like asking for a hug), I repeat “it’s ok” I carry her and kiss her and tell her that it’s ok again.

I’m hardly ever angry at them, I’m mostly trying not to laugh in front of them when they’re doing something wrong.

Might be wrong, might be right but it works for me.

Never worry about what people are thinking. Focus on what’s important.

With that said, we went to the mall this past weekend. A2 had a baby leash and it was a great experience.

“It’s a child! Not a dog!”

Exactly, same way I wouldn’t want to lose my dog…I don’t want to lose my child!

leash

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