Tag Archives: baby blues

Lost: 7 days of my life. Reward if found.

Kids are asleep and Jack is out for the night. I can’t sit in the TV room because I had the couches washed today and they’re still wet. The couches were in dire need of a wash, so is the rest of the house and each of us for that matter. So since I can’t sit in the family room I’m in the living room with my laptop. I tried watching shows but nothing can keep my attention or interest. In times like these I always end up looking at family pictures. I take many pictures, non-stop, all the time. Whenever something happens I run for the camera, “Again, the tourist!” complains Jack. But then, a few months later when I sit him down and show him the pictures and some of the video footage I have, his heart melts and he thanks me for recording all of it.

 Earlier when I was watching pictures from last year’s summer, I realized how the children had grown in such little time. I realized how much things have changed from one year to another. I realized it’s all right here in front of me, everything I could ever want, and everything I could ever wish for. Life is just unfolding and all I have to do is take it in and enjoy. How could I have been anxious, stressed or nervous? How could I have been distracted by petty little problems? How could I have let outside circumstances affect my mood, when all that matters is booming right in front of my eyes?

I had a hard week, filled with all kinds of emotions. Now, I feel guilty and filled with regrets.  I realize that I wasted my time feeling that way. I shouldn’t have let these circumstances affect me. I’m stronger than this. Nobody is going to give me my week back, it’s forever gone. How much more time are we going to waste on bad feelings and resentment. Every moment we spend feeling oppressed, jealous, sad or mad, is a lost moment.  To be happy is our one true life purpose and everyday away from happiness is one more day without a purpose.

So how do we get to our happy place? We’ve talked about this before. Start with gratitude, it doesn’t do the whole job but it definitely sets you up for it. I’ll start. I am grateful for this lesson, for now I will try to waste less time away from happy, no matter what the circumstance. Happiness comes from within, and therefor can never really be lost.

 

Advertisements

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Surviving Motherhood: Thank you for the Barbie up my…

Kids are in bed, the game is on and I’m lying down on the couch. I can clearly feel at least three different toys under me. The floor around me is covered in toys, the sink is full and there’s so much laundry to be folded that I don’t know where to start. Problem with all this is that I did clean the house today, I did dishes, even laundry but by the time the day is over  toys are back where they started, sink is full to the top again and there’s even more laundry to do now.

So what am I doing now?

I am exhausted, waiting for the game to end to spend some quality time with the husband. Got a good 15 minutes of meditation in the meantime.

What about the mess?

I’ll take care of it tomorrow, it’s a part of our reality and there’s no point in me fighting it.

Not only have I completely accepted the toys, the mess, the drawings on the walls, but I have also completely surrendered myself to the joy they bring me. I am so blessed to be surrounded with these loving children and I am honored to have the responsibilities life has given me. I work on myself every day  to be sure to be the happiest and strongest  I can be. These kids deserve a happy mom.

Gratitude is my main tool. Having children, among other things, can play with your hormonal balance and effect your emotions. Not only can it make you moody, but it can make you question your life purpose. Have I reached all my set objectives? Is this kind of life meant for me? What about my career? Am I going to be stuck here forever…? All these thoughts can creep up on us and blind us towards the blessings that surround us.

Gratitude, is step one.

Remind yourself of what you are grateful for. I do it all the time, out loud. I’ve now started to do it with the kids.

Do it in the car, in the shower, anytime, all the time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Name all the people and things you are grateful for. Start with whatever is around you in the moment.

Thank you for a warm home, thank you for my health,  thank you for the love I have in my life…

Expressing gratitude brings you back to the now. Right here, right now. It takes you away from tomorrow’s worries and yesterday’s pains. Gratitude is your vehicle to the now. Not only does it bring you here, but it makes you happy.  When you are grateful, you automatically start emitting positive vibrations, a positive aura that will attracts positive things into your life.

The now is the only place to be. The future is in our imaginations and the past in our memories. The only time that truly exists is now.

Be grateful , try it. You will see, great things will happen.

So, what are you grateful for right now?

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Face your fears and look inside

“Face your fears” is what I’ve been telling myself lately.

The older I get, the more I get to know myself. Maturing I guess.

Last week, I went out with some girlfriends to see a band play in a bar. Place was packed, probably over 100 people present. After a short chat with the singer of the band, she decided to call me up on stage before they started playing to “Say a few words”. I hadn’t planned anything; I just went up there and winged it. I don’t remember everything that I said; we were in a bar after all and had been drinking. I just know that the first thing I said was “Hi I’m Julie and I have 3 kids!”

Great intro for a rock band!

I continued babbling things… tried to pump the crowd… told the ladies in the audience they should get their bras signed by the band members…

What was I thinking? I don’t know! I was just having fun. When I sat back down some of my friends were looking at me like “What just happened?” and some that have come to know this side of me had a “No surprise here” kind of face. One of them turned to me and told me “Julie, you’re the most fearless woman I know”.

And believe it or not, that comment’s been in my head since then.

I am not fearless; I am the most fearful person I know. I am scared of everything.

It’s easy to let fear guide you. It will guide you towards safety. No risks, no taking chances, no experimenting… is that what we want?

Believe it or not that’s exactly the dilemma I’m living right now. I have fears in me… should I face them? Or just go towards whatever is safer…after all I have 3 kids.

I can’t imagine what you are thinking reading this. You’re probably think I’m a complete nut job. Well lately that’s what I’ve been thinking too. Ever since I gave birth to A3 my mind has changed. Ok, it’s not that it’s changed; it’s as if it’s always been the same but I’m just starting to realize what it’s like.

Maybe 3 kids are what it took to get me to start looking on the inside. I look on the inside and I get scared.

That tells me there’s a lot of work to be done there.

I’ve been stressed out all morning…with all these thoughts in my head. Now that I’m writing it all out, it’s making more sense. I guess this blog does help channel my stress. I know I knew this before, because I’ve mentioned it in a previous post. But it still seems like I just realized it now.Basically, I do feel better now after having written this.

Some people have the ability to center themselves and work on their inner self. Others need something to shake them and wake them up to start doing so. And most will go on with life never making this realization…

I think I’m being woken up right now.

It’s taken a lot for me to even start thinking about these things… a lot has happened to me in the past 5 years and now I’m finally learning about life.

All these thoughts running through my head ever since A3.I’ve thought it to be many things; maybe they are symptoms of baby blues? Maybe the baby blues combined with the winter blues? Maybe I’m a bit depressed? Maybe these hormones are making me crazy? Maybe I’m becoming a soft bipolar?

Or maybe this life is over whelming and I just need to calm down and learn to relax.

“You need to take good care of yourself, so you can take care of others.” They say, and they are right.

It’s more than taking care of my body and mind….

I need to take care of my soul.

P.s If you think I’ve lost my marbles…wait till you find out what I googled today. (Well one person already knows, and it’s not Jack)

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized