That last post came up Saturday night but was written Friday night right before I fell asleep at the keyboard. The last sentence gave me such a feel of relief that I almost immediately fell asleep.
“Or maybe this is the moment when I realize I should live more for myself.”
That was it.
Live more for myself. Basically have a little more self-love and have the courage and energy to do the things I want to do and not only the things I have to do.
Is that a bad thing? I wonder if Jesus is ok with self-love and how I would know if I’ve crossed the line from self-love to selfishness?
Ok I’m googling Jesus and Self-love.
Ok so Jesus said:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” Mark 12:31
Wow now I’m a little more confused. Love my neighbor as myself? What if the problem is that I seem to love the neighbor more than myself? Should I love the neighbor less? That doesn’t make any sense. So what does Mark 12:31 even mean? Does it mean that Mark says that Jesus said that? So this is what Jesus said according to Mark’s memory? How long after hearing Jesus speak did Mark write this down? Was it during, immediately after or long after? Is this exactly what he said or it this how Mark understood it? Come to think of it I’ve never seen ink or paper in any of the depictions of the time. If I’m going to consider this as a reference point in my life path then I need to ask the right questions and make sure it’s legit. No?
Who is Mark anyway ? Is he even one of the apostles?
Bah, I’m overthinking again.
In conclusion to last night’s post, what I need to keep remembering here is that a wall is built brick by brick. I can’t expect to see a wall before I’ve even started to build it. I shouldn’t be afraid to put a brick down and start even if I haven’t figured it all out.
And about that whole self-love thing I guess more love is never the wrong way. So more love for me and my neighbor!