Open Doors
A2’s day care is stuck to our community church, and now that they’ve locked the daycare side entrance door you have no choice but to go through the main entrance and walk past the open doors of the church. I feel guilty to just walk by it and not go in for a moment. I feel like I’ll be cursed if I just walked by. Especially that A1 is with me every day during that part of our daily routine. Maybe the side doors being locked are the local priest’s strategy to bring us closer to the church. Now that’s slick. I can say that I’m pretty lost in my spiritual identity but I know that being raised with religion gave me a certain peace of mind as a child. I was taught to pray and used it in time of need. Sure I might’ve prayed for the teacher not to check my homework or for that bully to leave me alone in the school bus, but I had something there, something to give me hope and keep my spirits high. I want my children to have at least that. Something to sooth them or ease their pain when they’re on their own. So every day we walk into church and take a moment. Every day we walk in and I take the time to be grateful and think about what I really want from myself. Honestly sometimes I just stand there soaking in the silence. Today I asked for… I didn’t know what to ask for… So many things on my mind…
I asked to want less.
I asked, please lord, help me want less.
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