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Life is teaching us a lesson in every moment. Today I learned that the only way to be loved is to love.
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A real talk: The son I loved and the gunman I feared.
I was barricaded in my glass home, and could see a masked gunman getting out of his car walking towards me. Somehow I knew who he was and why I was his target. I ran to the back of the house and handed my two year old son to a neighbour and watched as he was dragged away kicking and screaming with his arms reaching out to me. My heart shattered, for I knew this would be the last time I saw him. My body was overwhelmed in a sense of panic; I could feel my heart rate racing and my breaths getting shorter.
Suddenly I wake up.
It was a dream.
For a brief instance, I did believe it all. I had a son who I loved and a gunman who I feared. They were all real at the time. Everything that I base myself on to define reality was involved in this illusion. My senses wronged me, my memory failed me and my common sense was outright absent.
I realized all this when I woke up. Or else, I’d still believe it.
So what tells me that I’m not dreaming right now?
Who’s to say that right now is nothing but an illusion?
Quantum physics theorists state that matter as we know it does not exist. They compare “matter” to a hologram. According to them, a difference in vibrational frequencies is what differs the visible from the invisible, or the tangible from the intangible.
So basically, it is all an illusion. Kind of like my dream.
Real for now … until something else is reality.
Perhaps when we die, we wake up from this illusion into another dimension of reality, just like I woke up from my dream, back into this life.
My dream was my reality, while my reality was right there…sleeping. My dream and my life were both real, at the same time, in the same place, but in different dimensions.
Life is the same. The reality we seek is present, at all times. Except for now, this dimension is the one we perceive as our reality.
Heaven is here.
Hell is here.
Don’t worry so much. Just ride the wave. Someday, we’re going to wake up from this, and realize we had nothing to fear all along.
Perhaps, if someone had told me I was dreaming, while I was dreaming, I would’ve realized that whatever was happening was a creation of my subconscious mind. Perhaps, if I were aware that I was dreaming within the dream, I could focus, concentrate on my inner self and communicate with my real self. Basically just think to myself. Perhaps, if I realized that I, the I that I am, who is sleeping and dreaming of a glass house, a gunman and a son, perhaps I, could’ve changed the outcome of the dream.
Perhaps if I were conscious, I would have more control.
If life is an illusion, as these physicists claim, if life is a vibrational frequency, a reality within a parallel universe…then to me, it sounds exactly like a dream.
So how do I take control of this dream? Can I take control of this life?
Is the power of consciousness real? Is the power of the mindset real? How about the power of attraction?
This is where I am now, testing all this out, within myself.
I’ll let you know what happens…you know I always do.
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From Wrestling to Hockey and Everything in Between.
Finally, a chance to sit down. Kids are asleep and Jack just turned on the PVR to watch the recorded game. It’s the first game of the season, opening ceremony and all, and while all the families dressed their children in jerseys and initiated them to the game… I forbid Jack to watch the game.
Don’t judge me just yet. You have to imagine a three kid chaos that has reached its daily peak around 7 pm. At that time A1 and A2 are literally wrestling and throwing themselves from the back of the sofa onto each other, while A3’s crawling backwards into the “ring”. I wouldn’t mind any of this if it was done in silence, but silence has gone extinct in this house, along with sleep and sanity.
I can’t have Jack leave me alone during that time and have him standing frozen in front of the TV. Plus after that there’s bath time, pyjamas and bedtime which is a total war zone!
The deal is, he records the game and watches it when they’re all asleep. He can relax, when I can relax. I think that’s a reasonable agreement.
I can feel many male readers thinking that they would never agree to these terms. Well, never say never!
The ceremony just started, the lights, the crowd, the music. I can feel Jack’s body language changing. He loves it. Now I feel bad for delaying it for him…
In my own defense, there’s no way he would’ve enjoyed it this much with that chaos.
And now they’re showing a video of the Team’s historic events, black and white images, strategic editing, deep voice narration and orchestra music. He just might cry.
I’m looking at his face trying to find a sign of emotion.
Nope. No crying.
Whenever I get emotional watching something, I hold back my tears until he looks at me and asks “are you crying?”, only then do I start crying. Just like whenever A2 gets hurt while playing in the basement, she’ll hold her emotions, slowly climbs up two flights of stairs to find me, and only then will start to cry.
All they want is affection. A hug, a kiss, a whisper. They constantly need to be reminded that they are loved. Just like us women.
Some men think that when they marry a woman, that alone should be enough for her to understand that she is loved. Yup, makes sense… But we need more than that. We need love, tenderness, care and the sooner men will understand the sooner their problems will end.
I’ve realized that showing affection solves most problems in a relationship. Not only with Jack, but it works wonders with the kids during their worst tantrums. Has it ever happened to you to get into a fight with a person you love, and smack in the middle of the fight, get an overwhelming feeling that makes you just want to forget about the whole thing and just hug the person? But we don’t. We hold on to our cause and keep the fight going.
Kids are the same way. So sometimes in the middle of arguments, tantrums or simply them acting up, all they really want is your love. Grab them, and give them a random, long, meaningful hug.
Love is the solution to most problems.
But love takes more efforts than anger.
Speaking of anger, I just found out what the final score is going to be. He’s still unaware of what’s coming. I’m going to have to do a lot of damage control.
Btw, my prediction for our Stanley Cup is 2016.
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Will be guest hosting the Uncle Mike show tonight at 9 pm live. Tune in www.theunclemikeshow.com
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John, the other man in my life.
Parents know that having children totally changes your reality. Once you become a mommy you realize that there are so many things you took for granted before you had a baby.
It’s an extensive list: A stretch mark free body, a car seat free car, the ability to pee in a public bathroom… 
Whaaa?
Nobody wants to sit on a public bathroom toilet, so we sort of do what we got to do without touching anything…until you have children, that is. This incapacity creeps up on you progressively. When you’re first pregnant everything is fine, the heavier you get the harder it becomes to hover over that toilet.
Jack keeps suggesting I use another word for toilet. Let’s go with John, the other man in my life.
By the time you’re 6 months pregnant your legs can’t handle that kind of strain and you end up forced to sit. Once you do, it’s over.
It’ll come back after I have the baby, we think.
Nope…it didn’t.
When you lose this ability you develop a new way of thinking when it comes to your bladder needs. All of a sudden you start thinking “If the bathrooms are decent here, then I should go now because I don’t know where I’ll be next”
It’s the night of my 30th birthday and we’re out on the town. I take all the precautions necessary, but one thing leads to another, I have a few drinks in my system and now it’s 2 am and I’ve ended up in a dirty club bathroom looking down a very filthy John with an almost bursting bladder. There was no way I could touch that thing! What was I to do?!
I suddenly remember a move we’ve been practicing in the Baby-Mommy Yoga Class. The chair position, it looks like you’re sitting on an imaginary chair, just the move I need right now!
I look myself in the mirror; slap myself a couple of times, give myself a little pep talk, order my chakras to align, do a couple of sun salutations and go for it…
All I can say is….
Thank you Baby-Mommy Yoga for you have saved my 30th birthday.
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Futile vs Futile: A toilet story
Kids were put to bed a few minutes ago and I’m sitting in my bed.
I can hear my on heart beating and my breath weighing heavier and heavier. Sheer exhaustion.
I’m at a point where I could sleep anywhere anytime if you gave me the reassurance that the kids are taken care of. Actually, I take that back.
Any reassurance is never enough unless we’re the ones tending to them isn’t it?
Never a moment of peace…I’m not complaining, I’m just describing.
I’m too tired for structure so I’m just going randomly jump from one topic to the next (as usual)…I’m the shame of the blogging community…I know.
But seriously, who else shamelessly tells you what happens to them on the toilet…
Isn’t it the worst thing when you have to go and you’re not home ? I mean go…#2. I know someone who can’t do it unless they’re home. They’ll drive home no matter what! I find that to be risky business. You should avoid long stretches of road, speed bumps and potholes in that state…
Driving home is a little over the top, but trying to be discreet about it isn’t. There are various tactics used to maximise discretion. You can try to pick the furthest bathroom without going too far. If you go too far you’re going to raise suspicions. Once you’re in there you should assess the 4th sense situation. No one’s seeing dead people… I’m talking about smell.
Girls’ smell like potpourri and/or roses of course.
You try and locate a window, maybe find some air freshener. Actually, I don’t recommend the air freshener per se because then you’re somewhat giving yourself away. If you walk into a bathroom and it smells like freshly sprayed air freshener, then you know the previous user definitely has a secret. The window is your best bet unless it’s facing people.
Why would a bathroom window be facing anywhere where there could be people? Don’t they think of these things when they build homes?
I’ve been seen on the toilet by a fireman.
Whaaa?
No he didn’t break the door open and save me from wild flames while I was on the John . Though that would’ve been bitter sweet… Actually the big wide open bathroom window was facing the neighbour’s roof, which happened to be on fire. You get the drift…
So all this to say, that if you have children, all these discretion tactics are completely futile.
Futile! You see Jack? I’m using the word in the right context this time. One time Jack caught me misusing the word “futile”. I use to think that the word futile was meant to describe a bad smell. Like, “Ouf! That was futile!” What’s ironic is that this word only came up in this post that is turning to be mostly about bad smells.
Why would I tell the world that I didn’t know the meaning of a simple word like futile?
Don’t you know me by now?
If you judge me, that makes you a person who judges.
What were we saying? Oh ya, fuuuuutile.
So you assess the situation, discreetly head for the bathroom, locate the window, make sure there’s nothing on fire, do your deed and try to make it quick.
When suddenly… you hear your child.
– “Where’s my mom?”
I swear these kids have a talent for extreme accuracy in worst timing.
– “Where’s my mom? Does anyone know where my mom is?”
At this point everyone’s actively thinking about your whereabouts.
You’re child gets worried and frantically starts looking for you. Yelling “MOM!!!???!” in every room.
Jeez! What am I supposed to do right now? Yell back from the toilet?
I’m just going to hope she’ll forget about me.
Ya right.
People start suggesting locations and then someone gets it. “Maybe she’s in the bathroom.”
Thank you kind Samaritan.
Your child quickly locates the bathroom and starts pounding on the door.
Yelling “MOM ARE YOU IN THERE?!!”
You try to hold back your real emotions and answer with the softest voice. “Yes honey…”
It all stops.
Finally.
Is she gone?
– “OPEN THE DOOR!”…
– “I’m not going to open the door, mommy will be out in a minute, now go play”
– “No! Open the door!”
What was I thinking saying “go play”? That never ever works, why would it work now when I really need it to. THINK!
Ok I got it.
-“How about you go hide and I’m going to come find you when I get out”
– “OK!”
And she runs off.
You know everyone heard you and therefor know that you’re in the bathroom. The situation can still be saved. If you come out within a reasonable time from this incident you can still stay below the radar.
BOOM BOOM BOOM
She’s back! Pounding on the door!
– “MOM?”
Why yell so much? I’m on the other side of the door not on the end of an overseas call from the 70’s!
– “WHAT?!”
– “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
Oh gosh…no please.
– “MOM? ARE YOU MAKING A POOP?”
What can you do at this point? Answer? You better, because if you don’t they’re just going to keep repeating the question louder every time.
– “Yes honey, now go hide.”
I hear her footsteps getting further and further.
That was interesting. Glad it’s over. Could’ve been worse I guess.
“It’s a normal thing, not a big deal” I’m thinking, trying any consolation I can have.
Until I hear her voice in the distance.
– “EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY! I FOUND MY MOM, SHE’S MAKING A POOP IN THAT BATHROOM.”
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Teachers of life
Friday night, 10 pm and I’m being served imaginary coffee and yogurt by 5 year old A1.
And that’s only the first course.
I figured I could post something at the same time, but it’s turning out to be impossible.
I drink the “coffee” and get in trouble.
“There’s nothing in there!” She says.
She comes back with two kettles.
“Tea or coffee?”
I say: “Tea please.” She pours.
I drink.
“Don’t drink it yet!” she orders.
Grabs the cup from my hand. Then takes a moment.
She changes her posture, smiles and gently asks: “How many sugars?”
“Oh, two please.”
She puts two “sugars” and hands me the cup.
I’m not sure what to do anymore; I slowly bring the cup to my lips…
“MOM!”
I stop.
“You didn’t mix it!” and she hands me a spoon.
Gosh, this is going to be long. I mix it, then I drink it.
She points at the plate of food in front of me and says “Now sit straight, take small bites and chew with your mouth closed!”
Waaaaaaaaaa? I’ve never ever ever said that!
She walks over to her play area and says: “I still have to put the baby to bed, wash the dishes and do the laundry!”
I watch her grab a chair and place it next to her doll’s crib. “This is for when I have to stay with the baby at night” she says.
I’ve placed a chair next to A3’s crib, so that I can sit there when I tend to her at night.
A1: “I’m going to pick up the toys because I know you’re too tired” She just said…
Me: “I’ll do it, don’t worry about it”
A1: “It’s ok, I want to.”
It’s been 17 minutes since I started this post and I’ve learned so much…
We know that they are learning every day, and if you let them, they can teach you every day.
They truly are our teachers.
She’s still talking and I need to concentrate on her, or else I’d be missing out.
Gotta go…
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People will tend to judge less if another child is the one holding the leash
Hope and Gratitude
Tomorrow morning I will be heading out to the Montreal Weekend to End Breast Cancer for the 6th year in a row. The feelings have already taken me over. My heart is already feeling heavy and my eyes are already holding back tears.
6 years ago, I lost my sister to cancer.
I keep shifting from anger to acceptance, back and forth.
6 years have passed and yet it feels like it all happened yesterday. The emotions are still so fresh.
Time heals they say…
But in my case I feel as though every year that passes my emotions get stronger. I grow older and therefore understand more and more about the impact that this reality has.
It is only after having a husband that I understood the impact of this reality on a husband.
It is only after becoming a parent that I could merely understand the impact of this reality on a mother or a father.
It is only after reaching 30 that I could imagine how it would feel to know that you will only live 31 years.
I’m still not sure of the lesson life was out to teach us but, at this price, it must be an important one.
All I can say is that we should all be grateful for having the opportunity to live this life.
I am grateful every day, and I feel like I owe it to myself and to my sister to make the most out of this life.
Tomorrow is about hope.
Let’s make that Hope and Gratitude.
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